Married students at BYU-Hawaii said single people should improve their personalities, save money, and learn to become financially independent before committing to marriage. They offered advice from the mistakes they said they’ve made.
One of the most important things mentioned is to be prepared for the change in lifestyle. Christopher Wiley, a senior from Oregon studying music composition, said, “There are a lot of values you have to work on by yourself before you throw yourself into marriage that you might not be ready for.
“Be the best person you can be, whom a future spouse wants to marry. Focus on improving yourself and becoming selfless. It’s always a balance between preparing for [marriage] and also not waiting too long for it.” Wiley has been married to his wife Lizzy since June 2015.
Kim Russell Comenta, a sophomore from the Philippines studying business management, said, “Surround yourselves with people who have goals to have an eternal family. This will encourage you to also push yourself to look for someone whom you want to marry. You can also help one another to achieve this goal.
“Set a goal of when you want to get married. It might be difficult to set a goal, but when you do the Lord will place a special someone in your path whom you can marry.”
The journey to finding a soulmate sometimes requires a lot of work according to Jordan Manco, a junior from Wyoming studying exercise and sports science. He said, “Date as many people as possible because you get to know what you like in a person. The more experiences you have when you are single, the more you are able to bring to the relationship.
“My mom always told me that if anyone asked you on a date, go on at least one date with them so that you can see what their personality is like. You may not want to date them again, but that’s fine. It helps you narrow down your search [to find] a person you want to spend the rest of your time with.”
Jungeun Park, a junior from South Korea studying social work, said, “Marriage is different from dating, so practice communicating with other people.”
Married couples also said their relationships with friends and family have changed since being married. Reece Gosselin, a senior from Maine majoring in exercise and sports science, said, “I should have gotten to know more people because we [are] busy now and have things to do, so it helps to have friends around.”
Comenta said, “I wish I spent more time with my parents and siblings. Once you are married, you only have a few moments with them, especially if you live far apart. Spend more time with your parents and siblings. Once you are married, you will miss being with them.”
Couples also recommended financial independence before entering into marriage. Gosselin said, “I should have saved more money. I spent too much money on whatever I wanted to do. Now, I need money.”
According to CNBC, financial trouble is the leading cause of stress in relationships and of the leading causes of divorce in marriages; more than 50 percent of couples report financial trouble as the primary cause of their divorce. Wiley said single students should start to become financially independent right now to pass this barrier that prevents people from getting married.
Marriage also requires a change from thinking individually to thinking about what is best for the relationship in regards to communication, according to Grace Cuizon-Mosquera, a senior from the Philippines studying psychology. She said, “Always boost your self-confidence and remember who you are and your divine potential. Develop a good communication skill in any kind of relationship. Communication is what sustains our relationship as a couple.”