The friend-zone is the enemy to all eligible bachelor and bachelorettes looking for a relationship. BYU-Hawaii students say being in the friend-zone isn’t always bad but warn against getting trapped in it.
“The friend-zone is a very, very unsure place for the person that’s been put there, because you’ve done everything you can,” said Jerald Roberts, a senior in music from Virginia. “You’ve done everything that they told you to do, but it didn’t work out in your favor.”
The friend-zone is used to reference the state someone is in when they pursue another person romantically and are told that should just be friends. “It’s not a bad place to be,” said Roberts, “But at the same time, no one wants to be there.” Roberts has had many experiences with the friend-zone, so much in fact that he has said that he “lives” in it. “Every time I’ve tried, I’ve ended up in the friend-zone. It’s something that’s very familiar to me.”
Sometimes, it may even go as far as the interested parties being told they are more like a brother or sister. Alyssa Despain, a junior in business from Washington, simplified it when she said, “You never get past a hug in the friend-zone.”
Despain said she doesn’t mind being in the friend-zone. “I like to be friends with the people I’m attracted to,” she said. “I would want to be friends with the people I want to date.” Despain also admitted she has put many people in the “friend-zone.” “If I’m not interested, I don’t want to lead them along and let them think that I’m interested, so I friend-zone them.”
“You don’t always get to choose if you’re going to be in the friend-zone or not,” said Mason Collet, a junior in exercise science from Arizona. “Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it stinks. It depends on if you like the person or not.” Collet said the friend-zone can be a good thing if both people agree on it.
For anyone who is unhappily stuck in the friend-zone, Roberts offers this advice, “The only way to get out of it is to find a different person. Just move on and forget about it.”
“Don’t get hung up on it,” Collet said simply, “It doesn’t have to be a negative thing, if you can make it into a positive thing. Try not to let it bother you too much. If you’re in the friend-zone with somebody.…try to make it work with being friends and find people that it may work with.”
Despain said it would be best to consider the entire situation. “First of all, make sure you didn’t jump into it too fast […] People will often think [the attraction] is love at first sight. There’s no such thing as that. You need quality time with that person. You need to know who they are first to love them.”
If pursuing a relationship, don’t set yourself up for failure. If something comes of it, then that’s good, and it’s okay to hope for that, but don’t expect it. “The only expectation you should have is to have an enjoyable time with the people you surround yourself with for whatever reason you surround yourself with them,” said Roberts.