Relationship coach says to make your relationship with yourself the most important

Written by: 
Courtney Bow Nielsen

Kahuku native and relationship coach Roman Pearl advised students to make sure they had a healthy relationship with themselves so they could have better relationships with others at a Career Center workshop on Nov. 9.


Titled “Cultivating Healthy Relationships,” Pearl focused on people’s three types of relationships: with themselves, with family and friends, and with money.


At the beginning of the interactive workshop, Pearl asked everyone to write down the top five people who mean the most to them in a list and then share what they wrote with a group. Pearl then asked if anyone had included themselves in their list.


Deedra Ramachandram, a sophomore from Malaysia studying graphic design, said, “When he told us to write down the top five names of people who are most important to me, I didn’t think to put myself. That just hit me.”


Ezra To, a freshman from Malaysia studying accounting, said, “I think that he was trying to raise a lot of self-awareness, which is something that I never thought of with relationships before.”


Pearl said that he became a relationship coach because of a difficult family life growing up. “I wanted to bring my family together and help others do the same.”


“The main thing is that I hope they chose themselves,” said Pearl. “It’s not selfish, it’s actually self-honoring so that you can give more to others.”


Two students were surprised with the segment on the relationship with themselves.


“When I saw the flyer and I saw the word ‘relationships,’ I thought of friends and family,” said Ramachandram.


After talking about their relationships with themselves, Pearl went on to talk about relationships with family and friends and then with money. He said that in order to have healthy relationships with those around you, there needs to be a self-awareness of your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so that you can be open and honest with others.


“That kind of reminded me of my peacebuilding class,” said Ramachandram. “It’s really all within you, how you react to things that happen to you including your relationships. People can do bad things to you, but it all depends on how you want to react to that. It can be in a good or bad way.”


Pearl wrote lists and drew pictures on the whiteboard throughout the workshop. One of these was a mathematical equation adding up intentions and the mechanism to equal results. The mechanism isn’t what matters, explained Pearl, but intentions should be 100 percent of your focus.


“You’d think it was 50-50, but I didn’t realize that it’s 100 percent of your intentions,” said To.  “That’s really what matters to get the results that you want in relationships and life.”


The money segment included an exercise in which those attending were asked to yell out words they think describe rich people. Pearl was able to then create a different list of positive adjectives describing people with a lot of money.


“I like how we talked about first impressions of rich people and how words like ‘rich’ or ‘greedy’ were yelled out.” said Ramachandram. “But then you actually realize that there are good rich people, especially in the church. They use money to help other people so that’s how we should use it as well.”


Pearl said he hopes to do more Career Center workshops to share his knowledge with BYU-Hawaii students.


“I think tonight went really well. There were a lot of ‘aha’ moments,” said Pearl. “I would love to have more of these.”


Pearl is the founder of the consulting business We Achieve Dreams Inc. and currently hosts a class about a dating on Udemy.

Date Published: 
Friday, November 10, 2017
Last Edited: 
Friday, November 10, 2017