Singles say one’s relationship status should not define self-worth

Written by: 
Helam Lau

Being single can sometimes be frustrating, say BYU-Hawaii students, especially on campus when they are encouraged to marry and exposed to an environment where couples are all around. But the most important lesson each of those interviewed said they learned from being single is that their happiness is not dependent on their relationship status.


One girl who wanted to remain anonymous expressed, “It wasn't long ago I hated being single. Every reminder was painful. When someone said something like, ‘Believe me, it’s not what it’s cracked up to be,’ I would get upset and would think to myself, ‘Yeah, says the person in the happy relationship. What would you know about any of this?’


“It was a couple of months later I realized if I wanted to date, then I should do more about it. I got out of my comfort zone and started making friends with more guys and even asked a few of them out on dates. It helped me gain more experience and made me realize a lot about myself.”


She shared three things she personally learned on why being single is okay. “First, yes, I love companionship, and the girl inside of me would love a relationship, but I can be just as happy even when I'm single. In fact, I feel happier now than I have in a long time.”


“Second, a relationship is a beautiful thing and shouldn't be rushed or forced. You shouldn't be in a relationship just to say you’re in one. I would rather be alone than ending up with someone I’m really not into.”


“Third, don’t lower your standards and don’t be someone you aren’t just to be with someone.”


She explained how sometimes it can be hard to stay positive when other people are always getting into relationships. “There’s no point wasting your time thinking about it. I think what has made me be the happiest is building myself into the person I want to be and focusing on being a friend to others and just serving.


“It’s taken me a while to learn this but since I have, I have been so much happier and no longer feel the frustration I once felt. I no longer focus on my lack of relationship or trying to get into one. And boy is it great.”


A single student, Moanalui David Kadarnya from New Zealand majoring in biology, gave advice to those who feel they need to rush into a relationship. “I do want a girlfriend, but I don’t let that diminish my self-worth.” Emily Holt, a senior from Utah majoring in hotel management, declared her status as single and ready to mingle. She said, “I am open to a relationship but I am not hungry for that.”


“It is good to go on dates–you can get to know what you want. Even if you cannot get dates, stick to the gospel.” He shared his testimony of how Heavenly Father loves everyone, regardless of one’s relationship status. He quoted 2 Nephi 2:27: “Men are free according to the flesh and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.”


Kadarnya stated, “Your happiness depends on yourself but not your relationship status.” Just because people are a relationship or married doesn’t “necessarily” mean they are happy, he added. Holt agreed and said finding the other half is a great and righteous desire but not the pure reason for existence. “There is much more in our life than just finding somebody.”


The role of happiness in relationships is that it adds to someone’s happiness, Kadarnya opined. He said single students should learn to “be our own source of happiness, but not only to be happy because of someone else. Learn to be happy on our own, and then share the happiness to the one when he or she comes into our life.”


“You have to think about why you want to get into the relationship,” Kadarnya said. “Remember who you are. You don’t have to build your life around the person you marry. You also need to be yourself.”


Taking what she learned from her Eternal Marriage class, Holt said, “Use time wisely while you are single. You can get a lot of skills like technical skills, communication skills, or relationship skills rather than thinking of it as a time that you are waiting. This is your life and you want the best of it.”


“When you think of yourself in 10 years, you picture yourself with your kids and obviously with your husband.” She laughed, “One day I will meet him.”


Holt’s confidence and positivity come from her assurance from God that one day she will be getting married, she said. She laughed, “I will get it one day and don’t know why I [should] freak out right now.”


Kadarnya concluded, “It is something that will happen and I have faith it will happen according to the Lord’s time.”

Date Published: 
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Last Edited: 
Saturday, April 14, 2018