A young BYUH mom reflects on how each season of her first year with her baby carried growth, sacrifice and a deepened understanding of love
The last day of the Spring 2024 Semester marked not only the end of the classes but the beginning of a life-changing journey into motherhood for Nia Balledos, a junior majoring in health and human science from the Philippines. Reflecting on her experiences, she shared how motherhood transformed her in ways she did not anticipate, mirroring the changing seasons.
Becoming a mother, she said, showed her a glimpse into how Heavenly Father sees and loves His children. With a son, Kaven, who is almost a year old, she shared, “When I look at my baby, I feel this indescribable special love. I have this desire to protect and love him no matter what.”
Reflecting on how God continues to love His children even when they fall astray and still wants to take care and guide them in the right direction, Balledos said she feels the same way about her son. “I never thought I could love like this,” she expressed.
Kate Babetin, a registered psychotherapist in Ontario, says in her article titled “The Birth of a Mother: A Psychological Transformation,” there is no experience more impactful, all-encompassing and life-altering to a woman’s life than becoming a mother. “The transformation from woman to mother is a psychologically-profound experience that both overlaps and is separate from the physical experience of becoming a mother,” she says.
Springing into a new chapter
Though the pregnancy was planned, Balledos said the emotions that came with it were still overwhelming. “It’s still a different kind of excitement when we found out we were expecting a child,” she said. “Hearing the baby’s little heartbeat in my belly was really special,” she added.
Describing herself as the type of person who always seeks growth and does not want to feel stagnant, she said attending BYU–Hawaii provided her an opportunity to grow even more. With an additional family member coming, she said it brought her and her husband more joy and more opportunities for personal development.
Balledos said her thoughts now turned towards the future. “That’s when I realized that this is really a change not only just for me but also for my relationship with my husband and family,” she said.
I know it is not going to be easy, but we can go through it together.
She said the feelings of excitement are also paired with feelings of nervousness. She said she had a new sense of responsibility, and she had to ask herself questions like, “Do I ride my bike or not?” during the early months of her pregnancy. “I have to take care of this baby because God has entrusted me to take care of someone so special,” she shared.
Having studied pregnancy in textbooks and lectures, Balledos said she felt privileged to experience it firsthand, especially as a first-time mom. “It was a blessing to take care of something so fragile,” she said.
A labor of love
The summer heat brought the long-anticipated arrival of baby Kaven, she said. “I was in labor and gave birth literally the last day of spring semester,” Balledos said. Likening the wait for her baby’s arrival to students anticipating summer break, she said, “Just like a student hoping for the best in their last final exam the last week before summer, we were also praying and hoping there wouldn’t be any complications in the delivery.”
Despite hearing stories of intense pain during delivery from others, she said, “I actually don’t know if I just have a high pain tolerance, but it is also not as bad as I thought it would be.”
Recalling the moments a few hours before her delivery, she said, made her and her husband laugh and brought fond memories. “It was getting hot and I was feeling all the contractions and the tightening of the belly,” she recalled. Even so, she said her husband still managed to finish an exam and they were still able to have dinner at home before heading to the hospital.
After calling to report she was already spotting and having contractions every five minutes, she said, “The nurse warned us they might send us home because they can’t believe I was still able to talk.” She said they decided to go since the hospital is in Kailua, an hour and 30 minutes away from Laie.
When they arrived at the hospital, the nurses immediately checked Balledos and found she was already five centimeters dilated, halfway through labor. “The pain accelerated very quickly when I was at my six to seven centimeters. I was shaking already,” she said.
Starting their summer as parents, Balledos expressed becoming a mom changed how she viewed others, and she developed a new appreciation for mothers. “I used to look at other moms and think I could do it too, since they make it look so easy. Now I never look at mothers the same way again,” she shared.
Once discharged from the hospital, Balledos said they were on their own.
When I experienced it, it was really hard. There is no manual on how to be a good mother, but as you learn and go through it, you will realize you can do it.
Learning to let go and grow stronger
The weight of the responsibility of taking a newborn child was immediate, Balledos said. “I already knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I also didn’t know it would be this hard. I had to learn to let go of myself,” she expressed. Balledos said that was the hardest thing for her to experience.
Before having a baby, she said she focused on caring for herself, her husband, and spending time with friends. “When the baby comes, you don’t have a break,” she said. A baby is now fully dependent on her to take care of and survive, she said. “I have to sacrifice my sleep even though I am so tired and want to sleep more. It always felt like I was in a rush, and it was really tiring,” she explained.
She said her marriage also felt the shift since becoming parents was a new experience for both. “At first, my husband and I would fight. It used to be just the two of us, and now there would be someone crying to be fed or to pay attention to,” she shared.
Amid the hardships and sacrifices, Balledos said she still found fulfillment in taking care of her child, someone she loves. “I saw my husband change and stand up to his responsibility as a father,” she said. “He took care of me before, but he cares for me more now, and of course, the baby,” she explained.
Although she learned to become more selfless for the baby, this experience also reminded her of the importance of self-care. “Pregnancy and taking care of the baby can really take a toll on our bodies and mental health, especially with postpartum depression,” she said.
Because a woman’s mind and body go through a lot of changes, overwhelming feelings of sadness and anxiety lasting longer than two weeks during and after pregnancy may indicate postpartum depression, according to the official website of the Office on Women’s Health under the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. “Treatment for depression, such as therapy or medicine, works and can help you and your baby be as healthy as possible in the future,” it says.
Navigating the cold realities post-pregnancy
Returning to work just two weeks after giving birth was difficult, Balledos said. “When I get to work, I feel like crying because I miss my baby so much,” she expressed, describing the “mom guilt” she felt as she juggled between work, school and parenting.
“It was really hard because I wanted to be home with the baby. We had been together for nine months, and now I have to leave him behind at home to fulfill my responsibility to work,” she explained.
Balledos said young mothers can also feel isolated, especially when family is miles away. “There will be times when you feel lonely and no one sees you,” she shared.
It’s never easy to have the heavy responsibility of being a mother, but what comes with this was pure fulfillment and the kind of joy that you can never describe and compare.
She encouraged others not to be afraid to reach out to the resources available on campus for expectant and young mothers. “Don’t hesitate to reach out to Women’s Services and Resources and the missionaries who are ready to help, whether it’s with lactation support, adjustment to motherhood or professional help,” she said.
Balledos said balancing everything as a wife, student and an employee feels impossible at first. “I did not expect to still be sociable. I thought if I were a mom and juggling with everything, I would be too busy,” she explained. While navigating all of this, she also quit her job and took a break because it was getting too hard.
She said one thing she realized is that she can make time for herself and make time to visit friends or hang out with them. “I realized I can still step up my game. I applied for jobs and now I am working on my dream campus job, which is at the Health Center. It’s all part of God’s plan,” she said.