Married students share how they strive to be good husbands despite their parents’ separations
BYU-Hawaii students shared how growing up with divorced or separated parents shaped their resilience and future goals. Daniel Hootini from Tahiti, Dallin Orr from the Philippines and Janjira Kamnueng from Thailand, said their experiences growing up in a broken family taught them independence, forgiveness and the desire to build loving families of their own.
Growing up without a full-time father figure
Hootini, a senior computer science major, said he grew up in a single-parent household raised by his mother alongside his older brother and sister. “My parents divorced around the time I was born. Although my father didn’t live with us, he was present whenever he could be,” he said.
As a child, Hootini said he became aware of his father’s absence mostly during events like Father’s Day. “The [church] ward would organize a young men’s camping activity where everyone brought their dads. I would go and just hang out with my friends and their fathers,” he said.
Despite these moments, he said he never felt sad or angry. “I knew my dad still loved me and tried his best to be there [for us] even though he was far away,” he said.
Hootini said his older brother stepped in to fill the gaps his father couldn’t, teaching him things like shaving and supporting him during milestones. “For big moments, like getting the priesthood or my mission call, I wished my dad was there,” he said.
Orr, a sophomore majoring in fine arts from the Philippines, said his parents separated when he was 8 years old and he had to take on responsibilities early. “My siblings and I stepped into roles typically filled by a father figure, like fixing a leaky roof or broken pipes in our home,” he said.
Orr’s older brother also became his primary father figure and taught him practical skills and emotional resilience, said Orr. “He became the dependable person we all looked up to,” he said.
The emotional impact of parents’ separation
Hootini said the emotional challenges of growing up without a full-time father figure were eased by the love he received from family and church members. “The church teachings helped me understand I am a child of God and my worth doesn’t change whether or not I have my father’s presence in my life,” he said.
But for Orr, he said his father’s absence led to fears about his own future as a husband and father. “I always felt scared that I might not be a good head of the household because I didn’t have an example growing up,” he said.
Orr said not hearing affirmations from his father affected his self-worth as a child. “I’d see my friends’ parents cheer for them at graduations, but I never heard my dad say, ‘I’m proud of you,’” he said.
Ironically, Orr said he later learned his father spoke proudly of him to others. “His students told me he often bragged about my achievements, even if he never told me directly,” he said.
Orr said the loss of his father in 2024 made him feel his father’s absence more deeply than his parents’ separation. “I’d always had access to him, but now I realized I’d never get to see him again, especially for big milestones like my wedding day,” he said.
[My mother] worked, took care of us and fulfilled her church callings all on her own. I wanted to emulate that strength and be a better man for my future wife.
Divorce brought strength and understanding
Kamnueng, a freshman visual arts major from Thailand, said her parents' divorce taught her resilience and independence. She said, “My parents didn’t have time for me because they had to travel for work, so I moved to another city alone to continue my studies and lived in an apartment by myself at 14,” she said.
The divorce, Kamnueng said, was the best way forward for all of them. “[Divorce] allowed my parents to live happier. They kept trying to make their relationship work, but couldn’t find common ground,” she said.
Kamnueng said she began struggling with depression linked to bullying and family stress. “I was bullied because I have darker skin, being a Thai Nigerian mixed. I was also worried about my parents’ well-being after the divorce,” she said.
Kamnueng said she understood her parents’ decision and is grateful for them because they worked hard to provide for her and her younger brother despite being separated. “They gave me a good education and taught me to love and understand others without judgment,” she said.
Breaking the generational cycles
Hootini said witnessing his mother’s strength growing up inspired him to break what he called the cycle of divorce in his family. “She worked, took care of us and fulfilled her church callings all on her own. I wanted to emulate that strength and be a better man for my future wife,” he said.
Now a parent himself, Hootini said he’s committed to creating the loving, gospel-centered home he experienced growing up. “I want my children to have the same experiences like going to church, learning about the gospel and building their own testimonies,” he said.
When Orr became engaged, he said he consciously decided to break the cycle of emotional absence. “I promised myself, my dad, my bishop and the Lord that I would become the best version of myself,” he said.
Orr married his wife and committed to being fully present in their relationship, said Orr. “I want to be the best husband and future father I can be,” he said.