Dr. Richard B. Miller, of the School of Family Life at BYU in Provo, advised students to not be afraid of marriage and to marry their best friend at the BYU–Hawaii Devotional on Tuesday, March 15.
Dr. Miller accused “the modern world” for creating an image that marriages end up in divorce 50 percent of the time. “I would like to spend a few minutes today setting the record straight about being married.”
Miller used empirical research to support the doctrine of the LDS Church concerning marriage. He listed five things social science research shows about marriage and cohabitation:
1. Married people have better physical health.
Miller said social science research shows “married people drink less alcohol, eat more nutritiously, have better sleep habits, visit the doctor more frequently, and have significantly lower rates of depression and anxiety.”
He added married people are better off financially. He said, “One report stated that ‘marriage is a wealth-generating institution.’” He added, “Those who had never married experienced a 75 percent reduction of wealth, and those who were cohabiting experienced a 68 percent reduction of wealth.”
2. Married people are happier than non-married people.
Miller said, “Married people are more likely to report being highly satisfied with their life compared to single and cohabiting men.”
3. Most marriages are happy.
Miller quoted one study where middle-aged couples who were married for 20 years and had at least 1 adolescent child rated how happy their relationship was on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the happiest. “Seventy-seven point six percent of wives reported at least an eight.”
4. Divorce rate statistics are misleading.
According to Miller, the popular statistic that half of all marriages end up in divorce doesn’t properly represent everyone. He said, “Couples who have a low income, a pregnancy before marriage, marrying before 20, no religious affiliation, and having parents who divorced are more likely to divorce. Thus, couples who marry in the temple and graduate from BYU–Hawaii actually have a low risk factor of divorce.”
5. Cohabitation is greatly overrated.
“We know it’s a spiritual poison,” said Miller, “but social science research says it’s bad too.” He said cohabitating couples are “less happy, more depressed, and less financially prosperous.” He also said children are better off when raised by legally married couples.
Miller concluded his list by saying Latter-day Saints know through doctrine that marriage is a path to a happier life, but “we have a firm foundation to stand on from the social sciences. They fully support the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
Dr. Miller discussed two mannerisms of behavior young single adults display during dating: front stage and back stage.
He said front stage behavior is when “we are trying to impress others so they think highly of us.”
Back stage behavior is when “we are not trying to create a particular impression. We are willing to reveal our flaws and our virtues. We are willing to let others see our real selves, not just our best selves.”
Miller encouraged students to display their front stage behavior for the first few dates, but to show their back stage behavior before making the relationship serious. “As you spend time together, you’ll become more comfortable and let your guard down. Do things that give you the opportunity to talk to each other and get to know each other.”
His final counsel to students was to marry their best friend. “The first step in dating is attraction, then getting to know each other at a deeper level, then developing deep friendships, then assuring the friendship will be a covenant keeping one, and then asking to marry.”
After the devotional, President Tanner hosted a luncheon in honor of Miller’s devotional. President Tanner said, “We were grateful to have a devotional that mixed the academic and spiritual worlds together. I wish we had more like that.”
Katherine Kelly, a junior from Idaho studying psychology, was invited to the luncheon and had done research with Dr. Miller’s department before. She said she enjoyed how “he was able to state empirical data, sources, and research that’s being done, and go back and tie it back to gospel principles.”
Kelly said, “The way I thought about it was our gospel and our doctrine was established first, and now science is catching up with what God has already revealed to us.”