The diversity at BYU–Hawaii can make for unique communication situations students might not experience anywhere else. Students said learning about appropriate cultural gestures and the meanings behind them is important in order to have harmony in such a culturally diverse campus.
Tyger Wasson, a sophomore from Hawaii majoring in political science, stressed the importance of learning what is disrespectful and what isn’t in different cultures. Knowing those differences can help everyone live in harmony, he said. He invited students to ask questions and do their part in learning about each culture.
Iliana Sua’ava, a senior from Hawaii majoring in business management and human resources, said she was raised in Hawaii, but visiting the mainland helped her realize the contrasts of Hawaiian culture and mainland United States culture.
Growing up in a family where members hug often, Sua’ava said people on the mainland may get offended by people touching them.
Hugging is a common and normal thing they do at her home in Hawaii, she said. However, when she hugged people on the mainland, they would tense up, Sua’ava commented. She said in order for her to avoid crossing boundaries with people, it was important to learn the correct way to approach people.
Sabrina Lin, a Spring 2020 music graduate from Taiwan, said table manners in her culture are more than simply being polite at the dinner table.
She said, “If you put your chopsticks in the bowl, it’s bad. But if you put them to the side or lay them on top of the bowl, that’s fine.”
She explained putting chopsticks upright inside the bowl is seen as impolite to other guests because it looks like incense. It’s a sign of bad luck because incense is linked to spirits, and the act is believed to invite spirits.
She said she still follows this tradition out of respect for her elders. “I remember when I was young, I used to do that and was scolded by my grandmas and aunties.”
Sua’ava explained her mother is from Mexico and her father is from Samoa, so she has learned appropriate behaviors for both cultures. Sua’ava said in some cultures, eating and chewing with mouths open shows you like the food. But in Mexican culture, it’s rude.
Melenaite Samani, a junior from Tonga majoring in accounting, explained in Tonga, a woman’s hair is precious. She said girls refrain from cutting their hair and do everything they can to keep it healthy and beautiful. She explained keeping their hair long is a sign of respect for their fathers.
“At my father’s funeral, to show my respect and love for him, I will let my aunt, his sister, cut my hair. But she’s the only one that could do it,” Samani explained. She said cutting her hair is a symbol to others of the love she has for her father.
Samani continued, saying, “That’s how it’s always been, and I’m always reminded to be super respectful.” She said showing respect to her parents by respecting their space and to her father by not cutting her hair is something she takes very seriously.
Tula Taumoepenu, a junior from Arizona majoring in human resources, said it is considered impolite to be on the phone at the dinner table. She explained, “My family loves spending time together, so being on your phone when we’re together is disrespectful.”
Samisoni Taumoepenu, a sophomore from Tonga majoring in information technologies, said it is considered discourteous to eat food while standing up or walking around. He explained, “When you’re walking with a mouthful of food or someone tries to talk to you with a mouthful of food it’s disrespectful.”
Samisoni Taumoepenu said the Tongan culture is based on mutual respect among people. He explained respect is a vital part of every culture, but in Tongan society, respect is really a big deal. He said Tongans are taught from a young age to respect their parents, elders and even tourists. That, he said, is why Tonga is known as the friendly islands of Tonga.
Sua’ava shared in Samoan culture, respecting your elders is very important and she was taught to always address the elders in the room. She was taught to say, “Excuse me” to elder people, even if she wasn’t in the way, to acknowledge them and to say hello, Sua’ava added.
Taumoepenu, whose grandparents are Greek, said, “Every time my grandfather sees us, he says hello in Greek. We have to say hello back in Greek, otherwise, he won’t talk to us.” She asserted this was a custom her family shared to show respect not only for their grandparents, but also for their culture.
Wasson said greeting people in Hawaii is important because it spreads the spirit of aloha. He said a shaka could mean thank you, a gesture of love, a way to show respect and even can be used to apologize. He said spreading the feeling of aloha is important in understanding the Hawaiian culture.
Wasson shared, “Greeting people is really important, especially in social settings, to show your kindness to the group.”
Making sure to go up to each person in the group and giving them a hug and kiss on the cheek shows kindness to the group, he said. “If you don’t, people usually assume you aren’t friendly.”
Taking off your shoes when going into someone’s house is also a sign of respect, Wasson explained. He said Hawaiians adopted this gesture from the Japanese and said it shows the family you respect them and their home.