Students across campus reflected on how differences in religious perspectives and it affects relationships.
According to a survey done by the BYU Religious Studies Center, 97 percent of BYU women and 93 percent of BYU men answered that marrying in the temple is a “very important” goal. The same study surveyed students from various college campuses across the nation about the importance of religious similarities, and BYU ranked the highest.
BYU students make the most effort in matching their religious backgrounds than any other university, based on the results of this survey.
Steven Speakman, a senior from California studying biology, said the most difficult part of dating a non-member is having people constantly talk about it. “I honestly don’t even think about it until someone asks me about it. I just focus on enjoying that certain person. We clicked, and we felt something for one another. It’s a feeling that’s hard to fight. There are minor differences that at one point didn’t seem very big. She thinks differently sometimes, but I like it.”
One of the biggest factors of non-member relationships, according to Speakman, is the pressure other church members place on the relationship. “People do always ask me, ‘When is she going to get baptized?’ And it’s not that easy. If you’ve been on a mission, you know that it isn’t always that easy. She knows the difference when she is around members. She feels it, and it is different for her.”
Many church leaders have placed high priority on marrying inside the faith. President Spencer W. Kimball counseled us in “The Miracle of Forgiveness” to “not take the chance of dating nonmembers, or members who are untrained and faithless.” His reasoning was, “one cannot afford to take a chance on falling in love with someone who may never accept the gospel.”
“For the Strength of Youth” states in a more open approach: “dating is a preparation for marriage. Date only those who have high standards, who respect your standards, and in whose company you can maintain the standards of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
Spencer Nielsen, a sophomore from Oregon studying business management and accounting, related his previous experiences of dating a nonmember as well. “Whenever we talked about the gospel was when it was clearest that there was a big difference. In everything else we got along really well. We had contradictory points and she didn’t know a lot about the church. She would ask me questions, but when I answered them, she didn’t actually want to hear it.”
Nielsen said later on after the relationship, she joined the Church. “Be patient. If you care about them, then stick with it, and it will all work out in the end. People want to enter into the church on their own terms. The biggest thing to do is don’t ever make them feel like they aren’t important because of their differences,” he stated.
According to research done by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, “religion influences the education and upbringing of children, the allocation of time and money, the cultivation of social relationships, and often even the place of residence.”
Their research has classified healthier relationships as relationships where common practices are present, or where common ground has been found in the differences of religious backgrounds.
Hiba Ibrahim, a freshman from Kiribati studying hospitality and tourism management, said she doesn’t get treated any differently for being a non-member at BYU–Hawaii. She states although it is a predominately Mormon student body, it isn’t any more difficult for non-members to date here.
Ibrahim said she thought it would be different for her here at BYUH. “When I was applying, most of the people told me that they will just select members first, and then the non-members later.”
Expecting this trend to continue with regards to dating, Ibrahim suggested there is a healthy balance here and there’s no discrimination while dating here.