For singles wondering how to go about dating at BYU–Hawaii, students Brittany Liu, Annabelle Phillips, and Eric Hachenberger shared their words of wisdom to help singles better date.
Liu is a senior from Roy, Utah, and an international cultural studies major. Phillips is a senior from Ohio majoring in marine biology. Hachenberger is a freshman and undeclared major from Austria. All three said they have dated recently and frequently.
Getting a date
Liu: “Girls need to be out there more and so do guys. It’s good to be talking to people.”
Some guys will ask a girl out through text or will play it off as hanging out, which is a no go. Liu said, “I don’t accept being asked out through text. I’ll make him call me,” and being asked out in person is still preferred.
Phillips said she doesn’t actively seek dates, but they happen naturally. “If you just have a nice personality, and you don’t blend into the wall like a fly, but you are very friendly with people – try to get to know them, talk to them and really pay attention – they will notice you treat them differently than other people would normally treat, them making that person feel really special.”
Hachenberger: “For me, it is the direct approach. As on a mission, go up to somebody and ask the right questions. Ask someone out while you are having a conversation with them.
“Another approach I found out is a little bit better is try to get to know the person a little bit before – have some condition of friendship – that way it makes the date a little bit easier.
“If I meet someone at the temple or see them doing something extremely valuable, it makes the person very attractive on a spiritual level and on a character level.”
On the date
Liu: “My last date was going to watch the sunrise.”
Phillips: “I would want to go paragliding, or doing something outdoorsy because it is one of my favorite things.” Activities like these are meaningful from a dating perspective because they reflect personality.
Phillips: “I like walks, too, because you can talk. It can also be spontaneous and turn into a fun adventure. Is he going to take you through the streets of Laie? Maybe he is going to take you to the temple or the beach.”
Hachenberger: “When I go on dates, I try to do fun activities – adventures. I love hikes and I love sports activities. Often I get to know people. I don’t frame it as a date, but I invite them to surfing or play sports. It could start as a group date but eventually you will want to go one-on-one.”
If you want to get to know someone on your date, he said, “It is all about the topics you talk about.” Indicators two people are getting a little closer are “when you can talk about your family; when you can talk about your life goals and dreams with each other; when you can talk about the challenges you have had; [and how] past experiences can shape you.”
If you want to make this happen, he advised, “A movie doesn’t work. It is better if you are walking or doing something together.”
After the date
Liu: “After a date, some guys will just stop talking to you and get all weird and awkward if they are not still interested.”
To which she added, “It is much better to be up front.”
Hachenberger: “When it doesn’t work out, I try to keep it friendly and keep it open. Keep it normal.
“Sometimes when you don’t know a person good enough, it becomes awkward afterwards. That is why friendship at the beginning is really important.”
Benefits of dating at BYUH
Phillips: “There should never be a conversation-killer because if a person is from another place – which everyone is from a different place – then it’s so fun to find out about their home and the things they love about their home, and they can introduce you to new things.
“There are unlimited things to do. You could have adventures on every date.”
Hachenberger: “Everybody is a member … It is protection … When you are dating someone who is Mormon, the odds that the person values are similar to yours are much higher.
“Eventually we are looking for that one person, and to be honest, I couldn’t really see myself marrying a person of another faith because the focus in life is so different and the values in life are so different.
“It is vary culturally diverse so you can get to know different values and different viewpoints.”
Dating smart
Liu: “Don’t hand your kisses out like pretzels.”
Phillips: “Be careful. You don’t know if a guy is just dating you for a green card.
“If you’re an 18-year-old girl and dating an RM, expect the guy will want to marry. Don’t just be thinking, ‘This is so much fun.’”
Hachenberger: “The more you can start building a friendship the more you can date long-term and meaningfully.”
All three suggest you try to find a balance between being proactive and not rushing it.