Sharing their personal stories of their most difficult breakups, three students gave advice on how they personally worked through heartbreak, and moved on.
The breakup
Karina Loeza, a junior from California studying social work, said after dating a boy for a couple weeks, they became boyfriend and girlfriend, but she didn’t feel comfortable with their relationship. “I just had this feeling I couldn’t fully trust this person,” said Loeza.
According to Loeza, she was with her boyfriend in her home the day they broke up. She recalled how he broke a glass on the floor after she mentioned to him she was part of a study group with other boys. She said she felt prompted to tell him she had to leave for her class earlier than she thought. Then 20 minutes later after getting to school, she broke up with him through a phone call. She said even though she wanted to break up with the boy, after breaking up with the guy, she felt a “little bit empty.”
Kristi Nelson, an undecided freshman from Arizona, shared how she started dating a friend who wasn’t a member. She said she gave him a copy of the Book of Mormon.
“He read it, he loved it, and he wanted to get baptized, but then his parents totally rejected the idea.” Nelson added, “The day he told me he wanted to get baptized was the happiest [moment], but as it was causing a lot of contention within their family, we ended up breaking up.”
Leilanie Coker, majoring in business marketing, said she broke up with her boyfriend because they moved to different colleges.
“It didn’t end up working,” she said, “so I had to do the better thing by breaking up with him instead of dragging it on for no reason.”
Overcoming the heartbreak
According to Coker, her first semester in BYUH was really hard as she was “freshly heartbroken,” and no one asked her out on a date. Because of this, she said she felt there is not much of a dating culture at BYU-Hawaii. “There is no one you can really distract yourself with, so I just kinda just sat in my dorm sobbing.”
According to Coker, attempting to keep the former boyfriend or girlfriend as a friend is what makes the breakup the hardest. She said, “If you do that, you will never be able to get over him. You just have to cut them out, even if you don’t want to.”
Coker added, “For a long time I kept him on social media and talked to him once in awhile, but as soon as I cut him out completely, I was able to get over him. Hopefully oneday we can be friends again, but not for now.”
Loeza said after a bad break up, she felt more “safe and loved” by talking with good old friends of the opposite sex. She explained how it reassured her that men should never make her feel bad, and expressed how those friends showed concern for her and her feelings.
Nelson shared how she felt a little bit sad the whole year after breaking up with her boyfriend. She desired to stay friends, but she reflected on the idea and decided it would not work.
“It was hard for me watching someone I trusted turn into a total stranger who won’t even make eye contact with me or talk to me anymore,” said Nelson.
Move on and keep dating
Loeza said after her breakup, she met amazing people by dating. She said, “I think really caring about the other one makes the difference.”
Loeza added though dating can be difficult, she personally “grows so much and even meets amazing men. Everyday you go out it’s like a mini interview. You have to learn how to put into words where you come from, where you’re at, and where you’re going. You learn so much about yourself. Every change in your life will demand a new you.”
Nelson added attending a different school helped her to move on and learn that breaking up was “not the end of the world,” but instead a “good learning experience.”
Writer: Anel Canto