Freshman fears, senior stories

Navigating life as a university student is often entailed by many fears. For several BYUH seniors, these fears manifested during their freshman years. From desires for social acceptance and belonging to worries of spiritual misalignment and academic inadequacy, these fears shaped the seniors’ experiences to create valuable life lessons.

Upon returning from his mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Alexandro Carbajal said he felt prepared to navigate social life at BYUH. However, his freshman self soon realized that socializing as “Alexandro,” instead of “Elder Carbajal,” would not be as simple as he initially thought.

“Having lived such a social life [on my mission] for two years, I felt prepared for college. But, there is definitely a difference [between] being on a mission and being at school,” Carbajal said.

For Carbajal, now a health and human science senior from the United States, befriending people of different backgrounds used to be a difficult fear to overcome. Having served a mission in Mexico, Carbajal said his knowledge of Asia and Polynesia were limited. As a freshman who had not made many friends, he said he often wondered if he could fit into the community.

“It was nerve-wracking at first, being in a new state and a new environment, where different cultures blended together,” Carbajal said.

As for Mahealani Hunter, a finance senior from Tahiti, spirituality was something she struggled with as a freshman. Since she joined BYUH not as a Latter-day Saint, she said her knowledge of its culture and lifestyle were limited.

Photo by Ruea Tama

“I felt like it was easy for everyone to talk about the scriptures and their testimonies, whereas I didn’t know anything,” Hunter said.

Hunter lived as a Catholic for most of her life and remained in the same faith upon enrolling at BYUH. As such, she expressed having little confidence in sharing her testimony with other students, especially those who were members. She also said she had certain misconceptions related to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

“Because I didn’t know about the Atonement, I thought it was too late for me to receive redemption and join the Church,” Hunter said.

Similarly, Ocean Tuia, a graphic design and construction and facilities management senior from Hau‘ula, said he struggled with “being at the same pace” as everyone else. Coming in fresh from a seven-year gap of educational learning, he shared concerns of underperforming in his academics.

“I had fears of not being at the same level as, say, 18-year-olds coming straight out of high school or 21-year-olds from missions where they had study patterns and habits,” Tuia said.

After graduating high school in 2016, serving a mission in 2019 and finally enrolling at BYUH in 2023, Tuia said he was worried he would not adjust well to university life. Moreover, he was concerned with potential judgement from his peers for every error and mistake he made in class—however small they may be.

“I had this fear of everyone watching me and going ‘oh, he doesn’t know what he’s doing’ or ‘oh, we’ve been doing this since high school,’” Tuia said.

While freshman Carbajal struggled with his fears of socializing, he said he eventually realized that the key to overcoming them was simply time. Once he chose to come out of his comfort zone, he started to participate in university events, enroll in intramural activities and more.

As time went on, Carbajal began building many connections. He shared that foreign faces became familiar friends, which then became friend groups he was comfortable with. With each new friend he made, his fears of socializing gradually dissipated. Over time, his once nervous and unsure self became someone confident who knew many people all over campus.

“My fears were relieved as I embraced myself in what the university had to offer,” Carbajal said.

Like Carbajal, Hunter found the best way to face her spiritual fears was to venture out of her comfort zone and personally experience life as a Latter-day Saint.

Photo by Ruea Tama

Hunter recalled the moment she first received a priesthood blessing, which a friend offered to her when she was struggling with adjusting to freshman life. While she did not fully understand what it was, Hunter said she felt prompted to accept the offer and felt truly blessed afterwards.

To Hunter, that moment was a stepping stone in building her testimony of the Church. Day by day, she befriended many members and slowly cleared the misconceptions she had of the Church.

“Even though I wasn’t a member, everyone was nice to me. They don’t discriminate and even encourage people to be better by knowing God,” Hunter said.

As for Tuia, a change in habit was what his freshman self needed to combat his academic fears. He always sat in the front row for his classes and paid close attention to his professors’ lectures and peers’ questions.

Moreover, Tuia realized that, like himself, many of his peers were also freshmen who were still figuring out how to navigate university life. He found that everyone was not truly perfect in their academics—a realization that helped him give himself some much needed grace.

“I pushed out the fear of feeling awkward and just said everyone feels awkward,” Tuia said. “That made it easier for me to go to class … and really enjoy it.”

After nearly four years of living, studying and working at BYUH, all three seniors pointed to community as the basis for learning and growing. Regardless of the fears, having loving families and supportive friends can help one overcome them.

Hunter shared that her Tahitian friends helped her explore her newfound faith and became some of the closest friends she could rely on. “Spending time with them helped me understand that [BYUH] isn’t as scary or bad,” she said.

Tuia emphasized that friendships may come from the most unexpected places, like his friends from Sri Lanka, Papua New Guinea and Kiribati. “Once I was able to find a good group of friends, they pushed me [forward] and supported me,” he said.

Carbajal highlighted the importance of authenticity in identity. “Be yourself instead of trying to be someone else,” he said. “You’ll find people that truly appreciate who you are."