Intercultural relationships can transcend friendships through understanding and embracing each other’s differences, say BYUH alumni
Coming from different cultures, BYU–Hawaii alumni said understanding each other requires love, humility, intentionality and willingness to learn. They said when people approach their differences with compassion rather than assumption, lifelong friendships develop.
Isireli Tupoulahi Tawake Vuetibau, a BYUH alumnus from Raiwaqa, Fiji, said he thought he understood all Pacific Islanders. “We have similar cultural and traditional identities, but … some people don’t identify as what I thought they would be based on what I assume or what I have heard.”
Vuetibau said, “Cultural understanding is a long process; it can take a lifetime to learn.” He said part of learning is making mistakes and understanding that not knowing is okay. “What matters most is being willing to listen, to apologize when it’s necessary and just keep learning,” he said. He also noted to consider everyone’s individuality.
Every person really gives you a chance to see the world through a different set of eyes.
He said when people choose compassion over judgment, not only do they understand another culture, but they also become better human beings. “That’s what I hope people will do. To see people as people,” he continued.
As an intercultural peacebuilding and Pacific studies graduate, Vuetibau said the way to understand others was through making connections. To make such connections, he said, “First, be humble. Second, choose to be curious over being judgmental. Third, make sure that relationships matter more.”
Vuetibau said asking questions helped him learn and better understand other cultures. “In the conversations that I had, I realized that there are actually a lot of differences. But because I learned about those differences, I learned how to create boundaries about how I approach people, and make sure that I approach them first before making assumptions.”
Furthermore, Vuetibau said everyone should focus on our shared humanity. He said everyone expresses their culture in different ways. “People want similar things, even though we’re different. That’s love, family, belonging, purpose, hope and respect.” Differences can become opportunities instead of barriers that divide, he elaborated.
Today, everything is polarized and everyone wants to be politically correct, Vuetibau said. “But I guess one thing that really stands out to me about being in BYUH is the gospel and the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” he said.
Coming from different countries, students are used to seeing their own people; and on campus, students tend to gather with those familiar to them, said Vuetibau. “One thing that we should do is go outside our comfort zones and be curious. Listen more than you speak. Celebrate our differences, recognize our shared humanity and build a lot of same ships. Not just our labels, but actual, genuine friendships. That’s what I believe,” he said.
What matters most
Blake Collier, a BYUH alumna from Arizona, said she had so much curiosity about everything around her when she first moved to BYUH with her husband Tyson Collier. They did not know anyone until they met the Vuetibau family. Tyson Collier, a BYUH alumnus from Arizona, said he heard Vuetibau bless the sacrament and thought he sounded Fijian. Tyson Collier said he recognized it because he served his mission in Fiji. “[Blake said] we should go introduce ourselves. … I don’t really like talking to people, but she does. And that’s why she makes friends.”
Having been friends with the Vuetibaus since 2022, Blake Collier said she loves how their friendship turned into a family, creating a home away from home. “We were in completely new cultures. They showed us immense respect and love that we didn’t necessarily ask for. So we did our best to reciprocate that, and from that, it just grew,” she said.
We are all children of God, and we have more in common than we think at first, said Tyson Collier. “Even though we are the same, we’re different. And we need those differences,” he said.
Blake Collier also said acceptance is the greatest form of Christlike love. She said love makes it easier to apply the things people learned from others. “The desire to learn, the humility to accept and [the understanding of] other people and their culture made it a lot easier, enjoyable and fun,” she added.
Tyson Collier said people’s perception of other cultures depends on their preconceptions. He said when people think a culture is good, they will see the good.
Try to look at people the way the Savior would, with love and grace. Then, you’ll find good.
When people look at what is different in others, they should not think about whose way is better, said Tyson Collier. He said people should be curious and ask the right questions. “You can find a lot of differences,” he added.
As a social work graduate, Blake Collier said her social work training taught her to follow a professional code of ethics that requires her to be culturally responsible. “We’re supposed to be ... humble in all things that we do. … You have to be willing to listen, take in what [people] are expressing … and not be quick to judge. You have to be quick to understand,” she said.
Blake Collier also said understanding a culture does not require an individual to accept it entirely, but to provide a space where everyone could practice and represent their culture. She said culture should not only be lived, but also something to be shared. “We’re placed on this earth not to be stagnant. We’re supposed to grow and learn and create opportunities not only for us, but for the future generations to follow.” She said this is not possible if people stay in one place. “We have to explore; we have to be open and humble to anything that comes our way,” she continued.