Home is where the heart checks in

On a campus where roommates are often assigned randomly, three BYU–Hawaii students shared a story that shows love doesn’t require blood ties. It takes patience, clear boundaries and the daily choice to stay committed—even when walking away would be easier, they said.

Photo by Hiroki Konno

Boundaries before brotherhood

Alema Alesana, a sophomore majoring in biology from Samoa, said he and his roommate set rules for their shared space from the start. “Setting ground rules early, even as friends, helped us maintain individuality and a sense of personal security,” he said.

Ioselani Ioselani, a sophomore from Samoa double majoring in political science and Pacific Island studies, described himself as reserved and private. “I like to stay in my own lane. I value my space and my peace,” he said. He prefers a small circle and quietly handles responsibilities. In contrast, he described Alesana as more open and social—someone comfortable interacting with others and asking for help. That difference, Ioselani said, balanced their living situation because they learned to respect each other’s personalities.

Still, Alesana admitted it wasn’t always smooth sailing. “Living together required adjustments, especially when small frustrations came up. Especially with food,” he said, acknowledging that sharing space naturally brings disagreements.

Conversation and trust over conflict

One minor misunderstanding tested their communication early on, said Ioselani. He said he often asked Alesana, who works at the Polynesian Cultural Center’s kitchen, to bring home extra food. When Alesana returned empty-handed, it could have sparked tension, he said. “At first, it was a little disappointing,” Ioselani said. But instead of letting it become an issue, he said Alesana offered to cook for both of them which shifted the dynamic. “It showed me that misunderstandings don’t have to turn into conflicts,” Ioselani shared.

Alesana said transparency is key in shared living spaces. “Be transparent with each other, set your ground rules from the beginning and resolve issues by talking with each other and not about each other to others,” he said. He compared college roommates to missionary companions—assigned, not chosen—but said the responsibility remains the same: make it work. “At the end of the day, you have to preserve yourself,” he added.

Ioselani said trust formed gradually through late-night conversations about school, family and personal pressures. “There wasn’t one big dramatic conversation,” he said. “It was small conversations over time." As they opened up about responsibilities they carried quietly, Ioselani said he began seeing Alesana not just as a roommate, but as a brother. “I grew up without really experiencing what it’s like to have a brother,” he expressed, sharing that his own brother passed away when he was three years old. Over time, Ioselani said Alesana “filled that gap” and became like family.

From a unitmate’s perspective

Photo by Hiroki Konno

Daniel Mulipola, a freshman from American Samoa studying accounting, said the unit felt quiet and awkward at the beginning of the semester. “Everyone was still feeling each other out,” he said. As weeks passed, he said he witnessed their friendship strengthen. The atmosphere shifted from strangers sharing space to roommates joking, supporting each other and creating a lighter environment, he shared.“You could see them hanging out more, supporting each other and just being more open,” he said.

Mulipola said a shared living space feels like home when there is respect and good communication. Simple acts—cleaning up, being mindful of noise and checking in—make the environment warmer, he added. “Working through small tensions is just part of living with other people. When you talk things out instead of letting them build up, it makes living together way easier,” he shared.

For Ioselani, living together reshaped his understanding of home entirely. “I used to think home was just a place where you sleep and keep your things,” he said.