Dean and Kate Murcillos share how they navigate their differences through open and honest communication
Understanding love languages becomes much easier when couples communicate with honesty, patience, love and, most importantly, the courage to express what truly troubles them, said Dean Ralph and Angela Kate Murcillos. A blog from Embracing You Therapy explains, “We often feel that we are being very clear because we communicate in ways that make sense to us.” Yet, the blog notes, people often forget that our communication is shaped by our upbringing, personal experiences and unique personality traits.
Dean Ralph Murcillos, a senior from Bacolod, Philippines majoring in business management, said that communication in relationships requires courage, patience and honesty. “We all come from different backgrounds and family cultures, which create habits and ways of interacting that are completely unique to each of us,” he said. He recalled a time when he and his wife, Kate, sat down to discuss their love languages and expectations to resolve misunderstandings. “It took a while before we really got the hang of it,” he said. “It’s like planting a tree—it doesn’t grow instantly. It takes time.”
Dean Ralph Murcillos said being patient in relationships means allowing your partner to grow with you. “Growth does not happen instantly especially when you are growing together, but this way you’ll get to know your partner more,” he added. He also said involving the Savior Jesus Christ in relationships is important. “The Savior teaches us how we should communicate and manage our expectations. When you center Him in your relationships, I know it will work out,” he continued.
Dean Ralph Murcillos said they learned how to communicate and express their affection while working through their differences by talking about their differences openly. Speaking out and talking about the things they need to improve on helped them become better partners, he continued.
Be courageous about what you are feeling. I know it can be embarrassing and we hesitate …. But sometimes being honest allows your partner to be honest with you, too.
Angela Kate Murcillos, a senior from Cebu, Philippines majoring in biology, said that when couples face conflicts or misunderstandings, they should avoid sharing them with friends. “It will only add fuel to the flame. Your friends have their own experiences, and they are not the same as yours,” she explained. For married couples, she noted, partners are together almost all the time and know each other best. “Respect your friends, but it’s better to address the issue with your partner. You can listen to your friends, but don’t let them take over you or your relationship,” she added.
Angela Kate Murcillos also emphasized that people should not jump to conclusions about love languages or the ways love is given and received. “We each have different love languages, which are simply the ways we show affection and communicate it,” she said. “Sometimes we expect to receive the love language we give. It doesn’t work that way.” She encouraged couples to learn to accept and appreciate the love their partners express in their own ways.
Compromise and compliment
Dean Ralph Murcillos said that one of Angela Kate’s love languages is keeping their home organized and clean. “At first, I thought she was doing it simply because that’s who she is, but I realized it’s her way of showing love—she wants me to come home to a clean and tidy space after a tiring day,” he said. Understanding the intention behind Kate’s everyday expressions of care made him feel deeply loved.
Angela Kate Murcillos, in turn, said that Dean’s love language is listening with intent. “Whenever I share something with him, he truly absorbs it,” she explained. “When I talk about my problems, he doesn’t jump to conclusions.” Even when they were dating, Dean said that paying close attention and listening intently was his way of expressing love. At first, Kate struggled to reciprocate. “When I shared something I was excited about, she listened, but afterward, she would shift the conversation to a different topic,” he recalled. Over time, they worked through it by communicating openly. “Change doesn’t happen instantly. But by clearly expressing my feelings, we were able to gradually improve,” he said. Angela Kate Murcillos also said couples should learn to be humble.
Being humble is recognizing that you have your weaknesses too. When you are humble, you are willing to work out what’s lacking. You’re willing to compromise and to compliment.
She also said that it is important to see partners the way the Lord sees them. She said as humans people tend to see the flaws and mistakes easier. “But if we look at them the same way the Lord does, it’s easier to work things out,” she shared.
Noticing the love in subtle but constant acts
Some love languages often go unnoticed because we do and show it all the time, said Angela Kate Murcillos. “We get so used to receiving the action that we feel secure thinking that because your partner is doing it, then you don’t have to,” she said. She said in their relationship, Dean is more patient. “When we have disagreements, he would always coax me, but I am prideful and sometimes I feel like I don’t need to do what he does,” she said.
Through communicating their feelings, Angela Kate Murcillos said she learned how it hurt Dean and how she should reciprocate his actions, too. “The truth is, as companions, as husband and wife, you are the helpmeet for each other and should be equal in all things,” she added.
Dean Ralph Murcillos also said President Russell M. Nelson, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints taught and emphasized expressing gratitude. He said the less we express gratitude about the small things, the less we see their value. “It diminishes when we don’t appreciate the efforts of our loved ones. The antidote is to express gratitude, say thank you and you will see more unspoken expressions of their love for you,” he continued.
Trust not the media
Reels and posts on social media can negatively affect a relationship, the couple said. Angela Kate Murcillos said seeing posts about what a man “should be” sometimes makes her evaluate Dean. “But I shouldn’t be doing that. We have to understand that everyone has weaknesses, and we need to learn to love our partners regardless of them,” she said. She added that while the media is full of opinions, partners should know better. “You know yourself and you know your partner—his characteristics and attitudes. Whatever he or she is lacking, communicate it with them,” she said.
Dean Ralph Murcillos said social media often shows only the perfect side of life. “We don’t usually see the imperfections, and that’s why we’re quick to compare our circumstances,” he said. People try to match the unrealistic standards they see online, and as humans, we naturally seek perfection, he added.