How one couple builds a lasting marriage through service, communication and faith
Marriage is a sacred union between two individuals and is often the first step in creating a family. According to an article written by Asma Khalid, like any meaningful journey, marriage takes work and evolves over time. Lasting love is much more than wedding vows or ceremony and celebration, Khalid says.
Sulifa Veikoso-Kaio, a senior majoring in biochemistry and health and human science from Alaska, shared how relationships deepen over time and encouraged BYU–Hawaii students to always fight for love. “If you really do feel like that person is the right person for you, don’t give up on them. I’m so grateful that my husband didn’t,” she said.
Set up for success
Before thinking about marriage, Veikoso-Kaio said she wanted to make sure she found the right person. This meant finding someone she enjoyed spending time with, someone she could laugh with and most importantly someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
When Veikoso-Kaio first met Kellyena Kaio, a senior majoring in hospitality management from Samoa, she turned him down because she had already agreed to another date.
Kaio persisted and eventually Veikoso-Kaio agreed to go out with him and never looked back. Veikoso-Kaio said she realized Kaio was someone she wanted to be with long term because of the way he treated her while they were dating. “We would take nightly walks to the temple and sometimes, even before we were dating, he would walk me home. Those were the moments I realized he was serious,” she said.
Life isn’t perfect, admitted Veikoso-Kaio. She noted even though she loves Kaio, they still have disagreements. She emphasized that an argument doesn’t mean they think less of each other. “We’ve never fallen out of the honeymoon stage per se, but we’ve obviously had our share of fights. I mean, you can have eight different mini fights in a week and still avoid a gigantic fight,” she shared.
Kaio shared his philosophy on avoiding fights and easing tensions when emotions run high. “For me, I just listen. You know? Happy wife, happy life—that’s it. That’s the key. And also some dessert,” he explained. Veikoso-Kaio summarized their approach to marriage, saying they went in prepared to weather the storm and push through the bad for the sake of the good.
Building deeper connections
Kaio credits daily prayer for a stronger and ever-deepening relationship with his wife. “To grow spiritually intertwined, we keep saying prayers daily. Those prayers help us throughout the day and keep us in tune with the spirit and each other,” he said.
Veikoso-Kaio added that a critical part of enriching their marriage is how they treat each other. She said Kaio’s humility helped her open up emotionally. “He’s very humble, more than I am. He’s always the first to apologize, even if it’s my fault. His humbleness helps me feel okay with being vulnerable. I hated being vulnerable in front of people, but it’s different when it’s somebody you’re going to spend eternity with,” she shared.
Serving one another has also added meaning to their lives, Veikoso-Kaio said. “It’s really nice to know he’s going to do something without me asking. Like when we have laundry and I wake up and he has already done it. Or when he has to go to class late, I’ll try to make something for us to eat for dinner. We like to do things like that to make each other’s day better,” she said.
Happy ever after
Take a chance and don’t give up on looking for the right person, advised Veikoso-Kaio. “Go to all the activities, go to all the dances, go outside, don’t stay in your whole time at BYU–Hawaii, get to know people because you probably never see these people again. The next time you meet somebody from Mongolia, India or Korea, they might be your future spouse,” she said.
Kaio echoed Veikoso-Kaio’s message and encouraged anyone in search of love to press forward, and never become discouraged. “Just don’t give up on the person that you feel like that’s the one–that’s the key to true love,” he said.