Understanding, patience and shared vulnerability transform a housing assignment into family for two BYU–Hawaii students
What began as a routine housing change grew into a three-year bond built on trust, emotional safety and family for two BYU–Hawaii students.
Sidney Ordonia and Jared Wenceslao, both seniors from the Philippines majoring in information technology (IT), said their friendship evolved beyond mutual respect into a chosen family, nurtured through patience, shared struggles and intentional care.
A growing connection
Ordonia said their friendship started on the university’s housing portal, when he was reserving a new bedspace as he prepared to move out of his old room. “When I locked the room for another unit, I saw Jared’s name and realized I knew him,” he shared.
Ordonia said he immediately reached out to Wenceslao. “I remember introducing myself through chat and asking if he could help me move my things into the unit, and he said yes,” he recalled.
At first, Ordonia said he approached the situation practically rather than emotionally. “I treated Jared primarily as a roommate, not a friend, when I first moved in. I took some of the classes he was taking that semester, and I helped him fix his code for his programming class,” he shared.
Wenceslao said sharing academic struggles eventually deepened their connection. “We started chatting randomly in our room after studying,” he said. “I remember opening up about my hardships in computer science before I switched to IT, and I think that made it easier for us to grow closer.”
Ordonia said learning to respect each other’s personal habits was key to maintaining peace in their shared space. “Jared is a light sleeper, and I tend to be unconsciously noisy when I enter our room,” he said. “He would wake up and call me out for it, and since then I’ve learned to be more mindful.”
Wenceslao said communication and teamwork helped prevent small issues from turning into bigger problems. “We would plan cleaning assignments together and coordinate on buying home supplies,” he explained. “When Sidney can’t do the dishes, I do them for him, and he does the same for me."
A safe space for vulnerability
For Wenceslao, the room eventually became more than just a place to rest and study—it became a space for emotional safety. “Whenever I talk about life, family or anything personal, he listens, and it really brings us closer,” he explained.
Wenceslao said many men struggle to express vulnerability because of fear and judgment. “There is some truth to the stereotype that men aren’t up for sharing feelings with each other,” Wenceslao said. “Some are afraid of judgment or that others will tell people what they shared.” He added this aversion to emotional vulnerability comes from society’s perception that showing emotion is weakness while stoicism is strength among men.
That’s why humor, Wenceslao said, became an important coping tool in their friendship. “Besides speaking the same language, humor helps distract us from stress,” he explained. “Instead of overthinking a problem, we use humor to ease the burden. It really helped our friendship grow.
Wenceslao also said despite having differences in personality and habits, respect keeps the relationship balanced. “Everything flows well if people can disagree without being disagreeable. At the end of the day, empathy for each other is needed,” he said.
A study by Wonjin Sim and Jessica Stahl on student development supports the impact of roommate relationships, saying international students living together experience reduced homesickness, increased social support and improved intercultural maturity.
Connectedly, Ordonia said having a roommate does help him cope with loneliness, especially after living alone during an internship. “When I was on my internship, I felt a bit lonely sometimes. And I realized that having a roommate helps fill that emptiness,” he expressed.
Redefining family
Living with a roommate changed what family means to Wenceslao. He said family now means more than just something you were born into. “Living with someone who isn’t your family takes a lot of understanding differences, adjusting and working together to live in peace, and ultimately supporting each other not only through the joys in life but also the sadness that comes with it,” he said.
To maintain harmony, Ordonia said boundaries are still necessary even with a relationship that feels familial. “There’s responsibility in a shared space, whether it’s keeping the space clean or peaceful. So, establishing and understanding each other’s responsibility is necessary to show that you respect each other,” he explained.
Wenceslao said Ordonia’s way of communicating stood out to him. “Sidney has a different way of checking in on my life,” he said. “He usually invites me to do things with him, like going to the beach or eating together. He really tries to be intentional, and it shows that you don’t have to ask big questions like, ‘How are you feeling?’ or ‘How has your day been?’ to show you care. Sometimes it’s all about the invitations.”
In a dissertation by Stephen A. Reynolds titled “Exploring the Relationship Between Individual Personality Factors and Roommate Selection Among College Students”, Reynolds noted roommate relationships are a nearly universal part of college with long-term influence "on the lives of students and the campus community."