Alumni who faced challenges in getting married say their sealings made it all worthwhile
Amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, issues with visas and long-distance relationships BYU–Hawaii alumni, Kyle Vreeken and Shan Arumugam said they experienced many difficulties to get sealed to their wives. However, both emphasized the need to focus less on the worldly view of marriage and said the temple sealing ceremony is the most important part of it.
Vreeken is from Laie and graduated with degrees in hospitality and tourism management and marketing, and Arumugam is from India and graduated with a degree in hospitality and tourism management in 2021. They shared the ups and downs leading up to their marriages in the temple and their
Difficult situations for the Vreekens
Kyle Vreeken said getting sealed in the temple was worth everything to him and his wife. He met his wife, Irish Vreeken, an alumna from the Philippines who graduated with a degree in English, for the first time when he was a senior at Kahuku High School when they worked together as waiters at Gateway Restaurant in the Polynesian Cultural Center. He said he and Irish Vreeken went on one date before he left on his mission to Bolivia. By the time he returned from his missionary service, Irish Vreeken had finished school and moved back to her home country, the Philippines, to serve her mission.
Through a simple message on Facebook, Kyle Vreeken said he was able to get back in contact with Irish Vreeken. With the vast distance between Hawaii and the Philippines, the two said they began to fall in love over video calls. “[For] about six months, we’re chatting online. We started to get pretty serious, 10-hour calls and Skyping every day. We’re like best friends at that point.”
For his major, Kyle Vreeken said he needed to complete an internship, while at the same time developing strong feelings for Irish Vreeken. He said after some searching, he found an internship opportunity in the Philippines. He said they became engaged as he was doing the four-month internship for BYUH in Manila, and they began discussing how to make things work.
Due to Irish Vreeken no longer being a student, Kyle Vreeken said he could not simply bring her to the United States, since that was where they wanted to get married. They would have to apply for the K-1 visa, which permits the foreign-citizen’s fiancé to travel to the United States and marry their American-citizen sponsor within 90 days of arrival. After getting married, they could apply for Irish Vreeken to become a permanent resident in the United States.
Irish Vreeken said she needed to go through many forms and processes in order to get the K-1 visa so she could travel to Hawaii and marry her fiancé. After Kyle’s internship ended in July 2014, he needed to return home to the United States, meaning the couple had a year-long engagement without seeing each other in person until their planned wedding date. However, in October 2014, Irish Vreeken received notice her visa had been approved, and the couple decided to move the date to Jan. 21, 2015 for the sealing in the Laie Hawaii Temple.
Irish Vreeken said although she was excited to get married, the long wait times between receiving essential documents made her nervous.“I was still in the process of finalizing everything for my visa, and I was getting nervous because of the 90-day visa. But we didn’t have that problem because we were getting married as soon as I got there.”
Remember to focus on your wedding day, on the sealing. Yes, have the celebration, but don’t let it become the day. Don’t let the reception become the event of that day because that holy sealing is what’s being celebrated. Don’t let anything else become a distraction and take away that sacredness. Don’t make wedding planning the most important thing in your mind.
The two had planned to reunite in Hawaii in December of that year and spend Christmas and New Year’s together. However, things proved to be a bit more complicated for Irish Vreeken as she navigated the complexity of visa paperwork.
Her final interview for her visa was not scheduled until the middle of January 2015, which made the couple nervous, according to Irish Vreeken. Even if she got approved to travel to the United States, she said she knew she would have to wait for all of her documents to be sent to her.
After taking required seminars about going to America, Irish Vreeken said the final step she needed was getting a stamp of approval on her visa. “The earliest was Jan. 20, Philippines time. That’s like 18 hours ahead. This is cutting it close, but it’s fine. I’ll be on my way to the airport, I’ll get this seal and then bye,” she exclaimed, recalling the stress she went through.
“But then, I got the news a week before this that the Pope is coming to the Philippines.” During that same week, the Philippines’ government decided to close down many facilities including half of the airport in Manila, as the Pope’s visit was recognized as a national holiday.
Tender mercies
Since Kyle Vreeken was in the United States and that's where he and his fiancee were getting married, the traditional wedding planning roles were switeched. “Usually, it’s the wife doing the wedding planning,” Kyle Vreeken said. But “I’m the one here trying to find the venue, trying to create invitations, and trying to figure out all the details. It’s not a man’s job,” he added with a laugh.
“We’re trying to coordinate colors and get her dress done. It’s pretty chaotic because we’re planning a wedding in two different countries.
“Mind you, her interview to get this stamp is on the 20th. We’re getting sealed at 8 a.m. on the 21st. We have her flight booked for the 20th so, she has to get this stamp and go straight to the airport. I booked her flight four or five hours after she was supposed to have this interview. So, if there are any delays, she’s either going to miss the flight or not get the stamp.”
Back in Manila, Irish Vreeken said she only had three hours before her flight took off but the stamp she needed wasn’t even there. “I get there and the line is all the way out. … I was about to cry.”
Irish Vreeken said in that moment of stress and uncertainty, she told herself, “No shame. Just go walk in. Everybody’s staring at me. I’m just [telling myself] I’m just going to ask a question. I go straight to the front desk and tell them, ‘I’m getting married tomorrow, literally. And then my flight is in two hours. I’m going to miss it because it’s an international flight. Please, I need to get this seal.”
After having to photocopy all her documents, she said she had to take it to another line but said the fact she got through the process and got the seal was a miracle. In the words of her husband, “The Pope didn’t stop our wedding.”
But when she arrived at the Honolulu airport, she got held up at Immigration, Kyle Vreeken said. While he waited there to pick her up, he was nervous she would not make it. The same day she arrived on the 20th, the couple got civilly married, which they had to do before 5 p.m. when the office closed in Honolulu.
“She’s drained from a 16-hour flight. My family’s decorating the Laie chapel right here, they’re meeting my wife for the first time ever and it's 12 hours before the sealing. But the sealing was beautiful. We made it.”
Sacred temple sealing
Despite all the difficulties he and Irish Vreeken faced, Kyle Vreeken said, “We were just grateful that she was there. And the moment of us there in the temple sealing, that, to us, was the most important thing. Honestly, the reception, to me, didn't even matter at that point. That was a celebration for friends and family. … So we kept it simple because, really, we were so grateful that she was even there and that we could be together. … That made us even more grateful for the sealing.
“She [Irish Vreeken] said from the beginning that she wanted it to be intimate. She wanted it to be almost like a small family dinner. I couldn’t wrap my head around that,” Kyle Vreeken said. He added how growing up in Laie had allowed him to see some very large wedding celebrations, with what he described as endless food, entertainment for days and 500 people in attendance, half of whom he said were usually family.
“I say the sealing, the temple, the actual marriage and union of husband and wife for time and all eternity is for us. The reception and celebration after are for our parents.”
Kyle Vreeken urged, “Remember to focus on your wedding day, on the sealing. Yes, have the celebration, but don’t let it become the day. Don’t let the reception become the event of that day because that holy sealing is what’s being celebrated. Don’t let anything else become a distraction and take away that sacredness. Don’t make wedding planning the most important thing in your mind.”
“In order to have a good and successful wedding, let your wife make the decisions,” he said. “Eight years and four children later, we’re happily married,” Kyle Vreeken concluded, glancing over at his wife with a smile as she played with one of their laughing children.
Pandemic problems for the Arumugams
Arumugam talked about the trials he and his wife also went through. He said when the COVID-19 pandemic began, he left Laie to do schoolwork in Utah when classes moved to be online. He said it was a shock when everything changed so drastically. While living in Utah, he met his now wife, Sara, who was from the city of Lehi, through an online dating app.
“I feel like a lot of people are worried about things, but recently I’ve been watching this talk every single day by Elder Bednar.” The talk he said is entitled “Quit Worrying About It! Is It the Holy Ghost or Me?” It was given in 2009 by Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles at the Provo Missionary Training Center, where he urges listeners to not worry too much if they are unsure a prompting came from them or from the Holy Ghost.
Miracles
A miracle Arumugam said he experienced during his wedding was the opportunity he and his wife had to sealed by an apostle, Elder Gerrit W. Gong, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Though his family could not be present for the sealing because of travel restrictions, Arumugam said Elder Gong still made a point to know each of their names. The time Elder Gong was finishing his service as part of the Asia Area Presidency was also the time Arumugam was finishing his mission in India. Elder Gong came to his last zone conference where in his testimony, he told the missionaries he had the authority to seal couples in the temple.
Through a Zoom conference he was a part of as one of his classes, Arumugam encountered a former mission president who had served in India and asked him if he knew Elder Gong. It turned out the two were good friends, and he was able to get Arumugam in contact with the apostle. Arumugam said Elder Gong counseled him and his wife to remember the importance of being faithful to one another in marriage and have a good family.
It feels like it’s a dream still. I mean, especially when you have a member of the Quorum of the Twelve in the room. It’s a special feeling. It’s different. It’s overwhelming.
Even though the pandemic made life difficult for himself and everyone else, Arumugam said he saw things happen for a reason. “It didn’t happen all at once. It happened step by step, but now everything makes sense. Arumugam commented how his only advice to people worrying about marriage and its responsibilities was to stop worrying.
Reflecting on their sealing done by an apostle, Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve, Arumugam said, “It feels like it’s a dream still. I mean, especially when you have a member of the Quorum of the Twelve in the room. It’s a special feeling. It’s different. It’s overwhelming.”
For Arumugam, his wedding festivities were relegated to a small reception after the sealing took place. “We held our reception in a clubhouse. [It was] very simple. We probably only spent a couple hundred dollars."
"The world teaches crazy things like marriage is a thing to spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on. Yeah, you can do it, but you can spend that money on investments and have a happy life. That money will multiply and bring you financial freedom in your life,” Arumugam added.