Married students share how friendship turned to family with the coming of two new babies
According to a 2022 article in Frontiers in Public Health by Andrea Reupert et al., there is an African proverb that teaches, “It takes a village to raise a child.” The article explains the proverb conveys the message that providing an ideal and flourishing environment for a child requires the efforts and warmth of more than just the parents. Whether it’s through directly caring for the child, or just through supporting the parents in this new chapter of their lives, the “villagers” provide a crucial and helpful role, as explained in the article.
In spite of this, the article also raises the concern that many communities today are now indifferent in providing help or for asking for it, as many countries now have fragmented and dissipated “villages” who further contribute to the isolation and disconnection of families and communities. For a circle of married couples, however, as they welcomed babies Kaiel and Kaleah into their ‘ohana, their bonds of friendship and family have only grown stronger.
Though Kaleah and Kaiel have their loving parents, L. Tom Cabais, a sophomore from the Philippines majoring in psychology, shared they are blessed with an even bigger family, one they can rely on at any time.
Our friends who take care of our children give them the love and care they need, and so they have cultivated something more than friendship. They’ve created an ohana for our children to grow in.
Miguel Agustin, a sophomore from the Philippines majoring in computer science, said their friends were always present whenever they needed help. “They would initiate cleaning our home when we can’t, carrying Kaleah if we wanted to rest and taking care of her if we needed to be somewhere,” he said. Because of their friends’ act of service, their friendship and support last until eternity, he shared.
Cabais shared their friends’ support reaches farther than temporal objectives. “They have helped me as a father, in my goals to honor the divine design of presiding, providing and protecting my household,” he said. Whenever he needs help with Kaiel, he knows he can call on his friends anytime, he shared.
A divine purpose
Jeya Eder, a sophomore from the Philippines majoring in psychology, said she saw her friends grow as they took on the roles of fathers and mothers. “Having a child isn't an easy responsibility. We saw our friends show maturity in their decision by putting their child's wants and needs above their own,” she said. She said it was scary at first to try and take care of Kaiel and Kaleah for the first time, but the fear turned into excitement as they felt their friends’ encouragement and support.
“We see it as a special opportunity, because we treat their child like family too,” said her husband, Jhayvee Eder, a sophomore from the Philippines majoring in information technology. He said it’s important for them to come together as a community so the children can feel love and support beyond their immediate family. He said there is a special, divine purpose to their friendship and that is them being instruments to share the love the Savior has for them.
Zia Martinez, a junior from the Philippines majoring in computer and information science, said while their friends now had more responsibilities with their children, they are still able to focus on what truly matters, which is why they are ready to help them in any way they can. “We love their baby, and we genuinely want to help,” she said.
Her husband, Michael Martinez, a junior from the Philippines majoring in business management, said life gets overwhelming especially for working students who have just become first-time parents. “Together as friends, for their babies, we’ve built relationships that naturally extend love and care,” he shared.
‘Whatever love we are lacking’
“Despite the isolation in the world today, we must never be alone when raising our child,” said Meredith Villaluz, a sophomore from the Philippines majoring in business management. She said her friends showed her that it is important as a mother to receive support and affirmations from others that they are doing alright. As individuals who are still navigating the world of parenting, she said she is grateful to have friends who act as families when they are far from their own.
There is no limit to how much love a child can receive. Our friends’ love fills whatever love we are lacking.
She said their friends’ compassion towards Kaiel helps him feel that he is loved by everyone around him, which is the most significant thing a friend can do.
With friends who treat them like family and have helped in ways she could never have imagined, Ana Carmela Agustin from the Philippines, shared that she is deeply grateful for the selfless service and powerful examples their friends have set. “They’ve provided us with food and even offered free counseling and therapy through conversations that have helped me more than I could have ever expected,” she said.
“Their presence in our lives is a blessing and Kaleah is lucky to have such wonderful role models,” said Ana Carmela Agustin. She shared the positive influence of their friends has been a constant source of encouragement and has made their journey as parents even more fulfilling.
As new parents
Ana Carmela Agustin said she felt a combined emotional rush of happiness, excitement and anticipation as she imagined the future and all the moments she would experience with her baby.When their daughter Kaleah finally came into their lives, Agustin said it wasn’t easy at first. Though she had already taken care of babies–nephews and nieces–before, she said having her baby felt completely new and different because it came with the role and love found only in motherhood. Agustin and her husband worked hard to figure out how to give the best for their baby, she shared. “It was a bit overwhelming at times, but we kept learning, adjusting and supporting each other to make sure we were doing the best we could for our daughter,” she said.
When her husband, Miguel Agustin, first learned he was going to be a father, he felt overwhelmed in the best way, he shared. He said though he had no idea how to raise a child and kept asking himself if he was ready, the joy he felt in realizing he was going to be a parent overcame his fear. “Deep down, I knew it was going to be life-changing and even though I was scared, I was also really looking forward to this new chapter,” he shared. He said everyday is a day of learning with their daughter as they strive to prioritize giving all they can to Kaleah.
Villaluz also said, “Being a mother is the hardest role a person could ask for.” After giving birth to their baby boy Kaiel just a month ago, Villaluz said taking care of a child is the most challenging but most rewarding job. She said having her baby opened a new perspective in life, one that promises joy and goes beyond all the sleepless nights.
Her husband, Cabais, said a precious moment he felt in the first moments of being a father was when he saw his son overcome the many tests, needles and samples to make sure he was a healthy baby. “One of the most fulfilling things about being a father is seeing your child sleep, eat and grow,” he said.