When Joe and Saren Eads decided to get married in the middle of the semester, they said they knew they would have more stress in wedding planning, but they said there were little miracles along the way that helped their day be everything they imagined. These miracles included being able to have all of their friends at their wedding and being able to move in with Saren’s parents after their wedding. They also testified of the power of premarital counseling in helping them be the most prepared for marriage they could be.
Miracles
Joe Eads said they saw miracles all the way through, and especially on the day of the wedding. He explained there was a high chance of rain, and their plan B location had become unavailable.
Saren Eads explained, “Up until Friday, the forecast for Saturday kept saying thunderstorms. We kept praying for good weather, and it was perfect.
“There were clouds, and I think we felt five drops of rain, but it was a beautiful day. It could not have gone better.”
Saren explained some of the other miracles they experienced while planning their wedding. “There were a lot of different challenges … It wasn’t until the last couple of weeks everything really came together. Every step of the way was a little miracle.
“Joe’s sister-in-law and brother asked if they could get us a cake. We were just going to get a Costco cake and call it good, but they got us a beautiful cake. Ty’s Beach Bus wanted to cater waffles.
“Other little details just kept falling into place. I found my dress at Nordstrom for $100, and it was on sale for $50. I decided to buy two so I could add sleeves with the same fabric. It worked out perfectly. It was $150 total. It was one of a kind, and it fit perfectly.”
Joe said his sister was a huge blessing in planning the wedding. “I have a really good relationship with my sister. She is a really good planner, so she was my ‘wedding planner.’ I was in contact with her at least seven times a day, whether it was calling, texting, or whatever.”
They said being able to borrow decorations from friends who had recently gotten married also helped them a lot. They also said some friends who were trying to build their portfolio offered to do their wedding video for free.
The relationship
Saren Eads, a senior from Washington majoring in peacebuilding, said she first met Joe after a service project.
She explained they went to the beach with a big group of people. “Joe was pretty stellar, and I thought, ‘I like this kid. He’s pretty cool.’ We became good friends after that. That’s how we officially met. We got to know each other more and more as we did adventures and things like that.”
Joe Eads, a senior from Maryland majoring in accounting, described how they got to know each other better over the next few months of dating. He said on one of their first dates they went paddle boarding on the Haleiwa River.
Saren said after that date she dodged his first kiss. “I was like, ‘Wow, this guy is so cool, but I don’t know if I want to commit fully yet. I don’t want to play around.’
“I didn’t want to lead him on and kiss him for no reason, unless I knew I actually wanted to be in a relationship with him. That day, he goes in and tries to kiss me. I thought maybe he was trying to kiss my cheek, so I turned my cheek.”
Joe explained their first kiss happened in the sea glass cave at Laie Point. “She was talking about how appreciative she was of me. I said to her, ‘You know, there’s more than one way to say thank you.’ I just left it at that. She leaned in the 90, and that’s when I realized I could kiss her safely without getting rejected again.”
Knowing they were the one
Saren said her marriage to Joe is special because, “I just know it’s what God wants for us, and it was just a special, spiritual, awesome moment of excitement. It was so cool. All day felt like that. We were able to slow it down for ourselves and enjoy it and be present for the moment, which was really cool too.”
Joe said he knew Saren was the one on a spontaneous date to Waimea Lookout on the Fourth of July. He explained how he wrote a Korean phrase on the wall of a pillbox. When Saren asked what it meant, he replied, “It means you’re someone special.”
Saren said she knew Joe was the one because she didn’t feel any anxiety when she thought about their future. She explained, “For me it was little by little. I didn’t have any anxieties or doubts. It was just all taken away. I asked Heavenly Father, ‘If this is right, help me lose all these doubts about finding the one.’ It’s a big deal. Usually big decisions in my life I have such a hard time making, but with Joe it was easy.”
The proposal
Joe explained, “I proposed to Saren by taking her on a fun scavenger hunt. It was five different places I took her. I took her to the first place, the Laie Point sea glass cave. The clue from there led her back to her couch where I first told her I loved her.
“The clue from there took her just a few steps outside, where I asked her to be my girlfriend. From there, it took her to the Laie temple. That clue led her to the next place. The clue was pretty funny. It was Matthew 5:39, footnote b, footnote c. ‘Those footnotes combined make cheek turn.’ That was the only clue I gave her. She was pretty smart so she figured it out.”
Saren explained, “I knew I had to go to the first place where I turned my face when he tried to kiss me.”
Joe went on to say the next clue led her back to the pillbox at Waimea Lookout where he wrote the Korean phrase. “She had to translate that and send it to her dad, who also spoke Korean, so he could verify it. After she got it, she found out that phrase meant, ‘I will marry you.’
When she sent it to her dad, her dad replied, ‘Come back up the hill and meet your future husband.’ That’s where I was waiting with 30 of our friends hiding in the bushes, in a circle of plumeria flowers and flowers I bought from Foodland. She came up the hill, and I dropped on one knee and proposed.”
Saren elaborated, “It was the most certain ‘Yes’ I have ever said in my life."
Getting married in november
Joe and Saren said there were several reasons they decided to get married in the middle of the semester, including cost efficiency and having all their friends attend their wedding. Saren also said her family moved to Laie in January, which made it a lot easier for them to transition to married life in November.
Saren listed some of the reasons, saying, “We were told by a bunch of people shorter engagements were better. We had the benefit of having my family already here, so we didn’t have the awkward transition of where to live. We were able to just move in with my family.”
Joe explained how important it was for them to have their friends there. “The problem with getting married over Winter Break is everyone is going home for Christmas. They aren’t necessarily willing to make the sacrifice to stay longer for a friend’s wedding.
“[Our wedding] was the weekend before Thanksgiving, so everyone was here ... Having all of your closest friends at your wedding is just so awesome.”
Joe said his favorite part of the day was the sealing. “The sealing is something really special. I’ve worked in the temple for two years now, and doing the sealing part for yourself after doing it hundreds of times as proxy for somebody else is a really special spirit.”
The future
Saren explained she loves Joe because, “I love how caring and kind he is. He is always thinking about other people. He is a really selfless person. He is really logical. The way he thinks is just impressive to me, and it balances me out really well. One of my favorite things is how we complement each other. He helps open my mind in ways, and I help open his mind in different ways. It’s so cool how it works.”
Joe said, “My favorite thing about Saren is how kind she is. She’s my little angel. She brightens my day. I get so excited to see her all the time. I have Saren withdrawals. It’s fun to be out here in Hawaii with your best friend and someone you care so much about. When you get engaged, what is yours is not your own. Everything that is yours is theirs, good and bad. She comes with a lot of good.”
Saren said she is looking forward to the future with Joe. “He’s honestly the best … We’re definitely excited to start a family. We’re excited to graduate and see where life takes us afterwards. We’re excited to take trials one step at a time. That’s something about our relationship is there’s so many obstacles, so being able to overcome those things together is so rewarding. Having a best friend and a support there all the time is awesome.”
Counseling before marriage
Saren said, “What I’ve realized is everything works and falls into place. We had so many obstacles in our lives happen, but everything about the wedding and getting married was in God’s hands. He prepared us. That was really cool. We also did premarital counseling. We highly recommend it for all couples.”
Joe elaborated, “We did it with a local professor. We did it through PJ Rogers. He volunteered his time for one hour a week to do premarital counseling where he went from the very beginning, foundational, basics and progressed forward. Because it was pre-marriage counseling, we were able to put it in application. Now it’s so great.”
PJ Rogers, an associate professor of business, said he started counseling couples after he received premarital counseling with his wife. He explained, “We got some really cool tools. After learning that, I thought, ‘Everyone needs to know this.’
“I started [counseling] really early on. Maybe a year or two after being married, with little to no experience in marriage. I had some really cool tools that counseling had taught me.”
Saren explained in their counseling Rogers “talks a lot about how you come into a relationship with a lot of expectations, and you may not even realize what they are. Understanding yourself and communicating it with the person you love so much is so much easier.”
Rogers explained, “The biggest challenges for marriage are unmet expectations. The challenge is a girl and a guy don’t truly know how to convey their expectations. That’s where we start. The super basic, ‘What are your expectations?’”
Joe said they really did enjoy going to counseling. “It was fun. We looked forward to it. He gave us homework, and we completed the homework as best we could. He wasn’t strict, but he didn’t allow cookie cutter answers. He would tell you if you weren’t doing it right. It was very good for us.”
They said the stigma of counseling, being only when a couple has problems, is the furthest thing from the truth. Saren said, “If you go to counseling once you have problems, you’re so deep down in problems that counseling may not even help. If you get those tools beforehand, it makes it so much easier to understand, learn, and grow. It’s so cool.”
She said Rogers told them, “Always keep working on your marriage, even if you feel like you’re in this great puppy dog, honeymoon phase. I feel like our whole relationship has been this super happy, wonderful thing.
In regards to Joe and Saren, Rogers said, “The reason great people are great like the two of them, is because they’re always looking to get better. They ask, ‘Who can I talk to in order to get a little better?’ They’re really good … They really wanted it. Those are the best couples.”
Writer: Haeley van der Werf