Embarking on a journey from Delaware to Hawai’i, Eli Hadley says he sought to uncover his purpose and find true happiness
Eli Hadley, a senior psychology major from Delaware, said he came to BYU–Hawaii in search of a transformative experience. Coming from the second-smallest state in the United States, Hadley expressed a desire for significant change and a broader perspective throughout high school, feeling a pull towards discovering places beyond his familiar surroundings and meeting people from there.
Despite the significant transition, he said he embraced it with gratitude. “[Attending BYUH] taught me that there is a lot more out there than my tiny home state. It changed my perspective on the world. Even if I return to Delaware or the East Coast, this experience has broadened my worldview,” said Hadley. He described BYUH as a meeting place for people from all over the world. “It is a good opportunity for anyone who might have prejudices formed in an environment where they did not have access to diverse voices to break those down if they wanted to,” Hadley said.
As a domestic student, he sees his presence at BYUH as a special privilege, citing the generously funded tuition and the wealth of knowledge from the diverse faculty and student body. Recognizing not everyone has had the same opportunities, he reflected on the significance of acknowledging one’s privilege and using it to advocate for others. He said, “Recognizing your privilege isn’t enough. It’s doing something with that—being an advocate for people.”
The path to psychology and beyond
Hadley said one of his lifelong goals is to find true happiness. He noted it is not something one finds by chance but rather something one must actively seek out and allow into their life on purpose. “You have to allow it to come to you because you find happiness,” he said. He said he chose psychology because of his father, whom he described as a great example of compassion and a school psychologist.
Hadley said he was particularly interested in social psychology because he wanted to learn how societal issues affect human relationships and how they can be overcome. “I think psychology helps us see people as people, not as cartoon villains. They are as human as we are, and we are just as human as they are. They should get the same kindness we give ourselves, as this is a critical step toward healing a broken world,” said Hadley.
While deciding on a career path, Hadley said he eventually came to see himself as a creative writing professor, aspiring to earn a doctorate in English. He said studying psychology gave him a lot of joy because it helped him better understand people and informed his choices as a storyteller. He expressed he would find it rewarding to encourage others to create solely for the sake of creativity.
Lucy Torres, an alumna from California and fiancée of Hadley, expressed immense pride in Hadley’s achievements. She said, “I am so proud of him. Like other students, he has had this goal of getting his degree and working toward a bigger goal for a long time. His dedication to his education and his drive to always achieve more are inspiring to me and make me want to be a better, more educated individual.”
Overcoming personal struggle
Hadley admitted his journey was not without difficulties. He openly shared his battle with depression since his early teens, a struggle that remained undiagnosed for some time. He confessed these feelings sometimes led him to actively harm himself and fixate on ending his own life. He said he would then feel bad about feeling bad, judging himself even more harshly. To find peace, he said he cherishes peaceful moments by the sea because he finds comfort in observing the rhythmic decrease and flow of the tide, which he compares to a heartbeat and serves as a constant reminder that life will go on.
“I didn’t give myself enough grace and kindness,” he said. Adding to his challenges, he said, was the pressure he felt to go on a mission from people around him in his teenage years, whereas at the time, he just wanted to live his life and not live for anyone else. He described feeling pressured to make everyone happy and never feeling like he could give himself the time to consider what he truly wanted from life. “I had to stop living for other people and only being half alive,” he voiced. “If I was going to do anything, it had to be my own choice,” he added.
“The friends and connections I made, as well as falling in love with [my fiancée] Lucy, all played critical roles in my healing process because they reminded me I was worthy of love,” Hadley explained. He said Torres was a source of inspiration and purpose through meaningful conversations he valued. Hadley emphasized the significance of these connections, saying, “I think all my friends were there for a reason.”
Torres said she was supportive throughout his academic journey, as she encouraged Hadley to pursue his goals and provided a safe space for him to do so. “I encouraged his academic and career goals, just as he has always supported mine. I encouraged his enthusiasm for writing and teaching, and I tried hard to show him that he is capable of accomplishing anything he sets his mind to,” said Torres.
Hadley said with the support of counseling, he has gained a more balanced perspective on his own worth. He said his counselor, Stacie Singh, helped change his life after a severe incident of self-harm on his mission. “It [counseling services] helped me think in a much more rational way,” he explained. His BYUH counselors, Kristin Myers, Rachel Kekaula and Mich Suyama, he said, have been a huge blessing to him over the past year. He expressed his gratitude for their patience and for allowing him to express himself in a non-judgmental environment.
Reflecting on memorable moments
Hadley said his academic journey at BYUH was full of memorable moments he will never forget. One standout memory he shared was an impromptu trip to Japan with his friend and BYUH alumnus, Eston Dunn. He recalled, “He [Eston] found $200 tickets to Japan...I thought, ‘Why not be impulsive?’ Let’s go for it.” Hadley described their trip to Osaka and Kyoto as an adventure with only one backpack each. Despite his exhaustion, Hadley said he knew he was making memories and deepening his appreciation for the world’s beauty.
J. Eston Dunn III, an alumnus from Tennessee and a close friend of Hadley, commended Hadley’s growth during his time at BYUH. He said, “He [Hadley] fully embraced BYUH’s dedication to interdisciplinary scholarship.” Reflecting on their memorable trip to Japan, Dunn praised Hadley’s love for learning about others and his adventurous spirit.
Hadley recalled significant moments of growth and self-discovery during his freshman year, which opened his eyes to the powerful potential for human beings to make a positive change. He compared this positive change to each individual putting a Band-Aid on the world, one person at a time. “It was nice to be around people who treated me the way I did not realize I deserved to be treated by others,” he said.
Hadley reflected on his time as a writer, copy editor, and editor- in-chief at Ke Alaka’i, cherishing the memories. He said he enjoyed witnessing his peer’s growth and learning about his own leadership style. Hadley fondly recalls his creative writing professor, Joe Plicka, who inspired him deeply and said, “I want to be just like him in the future.” According to Hadley, Plicka emphasized every creation, whether a masterpiece or a mess, holds its own worth.
Passions and relationships
During his spare time, Hadley said he has tried reading as much as possible. As of November 2023, Hadley said he has read about 150 books since the beginning of the year as part of a Goodreads challenge. He said his reading habit not only provides him with an escape to diverse worlds but also allows him to appreciate the creativity of authors.
In the past two years, Hadley said he has poured his passion into writing three young adult novels. He said he wrote two during his free time on his mission in Singapore, and he recently finished his third, though he said his novels needed a lot of rewriting. In one of his novels, he said he tells the story of a young girl longing to excel in art. He explained, “She, Amelia [the character], really wants to be excellent at art, but she can’t seem to do it.” He said the girl wrestles with the frustration of not being able to transfer her thoughts onto paper or sculpture, when compared to a friend who seems to have it easy.
He said sometimes, despite his efforts, success can feel out of reach and leave him with the feeling his creation is just a big mess. While he has faced rejections from over 10 literary agents so far, he said this is all part of the process. He said, “Even if I never become a published author, that’s okay.” For him, the act of creation is enough to be happy.
Dunn said he noticed Hadley’s increased empathy and resilience gained through experiences like the pandemic and his mission in the Asia-Pacific region. Dunn said he applauds Hadley’s remarkable ability to connect with people from diverse backgrounds and noted Hadley’s flourishing social awareness.
Guiding words for students
Hadley shared profound advice for fellow students, drawing on his own experiences and emphasizing the importance of acknowledging one’s individuality and the validity of one’s feelings. “Remember that you are an individual...Your feelings are real. They are valid...How you feel is how you feel,” he said.
In moments of doubt and despair, Hadley recounted a powerful lesson he learned from his love of the Star Wars TV show “Obi-Wan Kenobi” in the final episode. He explained after Obi-Wan struggles to find meaning in his failure, he is met by the spirit of his mentor. He recalled the mentor saying, “Our purpose is always here. Sometimes we’re just not ready to see. We need to go through some hard times... And then we can truly see that they were worthwhile.”