Cultural differences affect how students see dating
Although love is universal, students at BYU-Hawaii have differing views of courtship, according to their home cultures. Students said their dating perspectives and behaviors have even changed after moving to Laie.
Glenda S. Directo, a junior majoring in business management from the Philippines, said, “We don’t go on dates with multiple people at the same time.” She recognized that as one of the biggest differences between the dating culture at BYUH and in the Philippines. “If you want to go on a date with another person, you have to stop going out with the one you date now,” said Directo.
She also found people get into relationships or even marriages in a short time, which is very different from Filipino dating culture. Directo said, “It takes a long time to date before you get into a relationship, usually at least a few months.”
When it comes to how she feels about the dating norms at BYUH and the United States, Directo said she is still not used to it. Along with courting multiple people and dating here and there before marriage, Directo also feels Americans are more comfortable with physical touch than Asians. “It’s a little bit hard to date someone who does not understand my culture,” she said.
Soram Yun, a BYUH alum from South Korea, considered how people’s interests in who they want to date are different than those of Koreans. “Guys here are looking for the girls who are more outdoorsy or active, not just feminine. And guys in Korea are interested and attracted to the girls who are really girly.”
Yun also pointed out people here find different traits attractive. She mentioned because Korea is not very ethnically diverse, people have many stereotypes of how men and women should behave.
“It’s a unique campus where all sorts of cultures come in,” said Yun, describing the dating culture at BYUH. Yun also said she has changed when it comes to dating. “In BYUH culture, I have changed; like my tastes, my expectations for guys,” said Yun.
Orr Papalii Brown, a senior majoring in international cultural studies from Samoa, said dating is family involvement in Samoan culture. Brown said men have to ask permission from the woman’s parents before the two go on a date. “Parents are really strict and sensitive about who their kids are dating,” said Brown.
He said dating is a very serious subject in Samoa and dating here seems to be more casual. Brown explained because dating might lead to marriage, it’s important to be serious once people start dating. “Parents are really conscious that we may do something bad, hurting the girl, or breaking up…something like that,” he said.
Brown mentioned how a girl’s family and relatives need to be informed about who she is going out with. “Because we are in a small country, a small island, it is really easy to meet anyone in any place,” he said. Brown said if a girl’s family and relatives are not informed, they may be concerned if they see a stranger with her.
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Cassis Boateng, a senior from Ghana majoring in psychology, said in Ghana, the word dating refers to something more like friendship and does not necessarily refer to romantic relations. “Like going out and having fun but not serious. And you cannot make out and hold hands with that person,” explained Boateng.
He added any physical affection is done in private. Comparing it with America, he said it is really hard to kiss someone publicly in Ghana, even for couples. “Even for a married couple, you hardly see them holding hands in Ghana.”
When it comes to approaching someone you are attracted to in Ghana, Boateng said one observes from afar. “In America, people call that ‘stalking,’ but that’s what we do,” he added. After distanced observation, if attraction persists, one confesses their admiration by saying, “I like you,” or even “I love you,” to them, instead of saying, “I want to date you.” Boateng clarified saying, “I want to date you,” is offensive in Ghana. “If you say that, it means you view that person like a prostitute,” he said.
Boateng said people in Ghana are straightforward. He explained it’s common to tell others you love them whether or not it is an expression of friendly love or romantic love. “The only time it goes serious in Ghana is when you say, ‘I want you to be my wife,’” said Boateng.