BYU–Hawaii students’ takes on modern dating culture, from first dates and dating apps to communication and cross-cultural expectations
Dating at BYU–Hawaii can feel exciting, awkward and, at times, confusing, according to students featured in episode four of Ke Alakaʻi: The Podcast.
Hosts Haley Cowan and France Valerie Lucillo were joined by former host Myco Marcaida and Rincon Watson for a discussion on modern dating, from first-date expectations and dating apps to cross-cultural relationships and mixed signals.
Dating culture on campus
Watson, a freshman in anthropology from Texas, said dating culture at BYUH feels distinct from what he called “worldly dating culture,” partly because of campus demographics and student life. He said the imbalance between the number of women and men can make dating feel more difficult, especially for women.
Marcaida, a senior in communication, media and culture from the Philippines, agreed dating can feel hard for women on campus, though she said she has come to see BYUH as a place that is just as valuable for lasting friendships as for romantic relationships.
Lucillo, a senior in communication, media and culture from the Philippines, said dating expectations also depend on culture and family background. In the Philippines, she said, being asked out can sometimes carry more serious meaning than it does in Hawaiʻi. At BYUH, she said, she appreciates that dates often come with less pressure and can simply be a way to get to know someone.
From first dates to clear communication
The group described ideal first dates in different ways. Watson jokingly imagined an elaborate mini van outing with tacos, snorkeling and bracelets made from shells. Cowan, a senior from Utah majoring in elementary education, recalled a date involving tacos, the beach and a temple sunset. Lucillo said her ideal first date would be simpler, centered on sushi and meaningful conversation.
Despite those differences, all four emphasized communication. Lucillo said she often debriefs with friends after a date, partly for safety and partly to process how it went. Cowan said if both people enjoyed the date, “you’ll know” because the interest to keep talking and plan another date tends to be mutual.
Watson said honesty matters even when a date does not go well. “Even if you didn't have fun, there should be clear communication,” he continued. He said clear communication is better than ghosting someone or leaving them confused. Cowan said being direct can save time and reduce mixed signals, especially when both people are trying to understand each other’s intentions.
Culture and dating expectations
The students also said dating across cultures requires care. Marcaida said cross-cultural relationships often involve conversations that could feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable at first. Lucillo added something deeply important to one person may not carry the same meaning for another simply because they were raised differently.
Watson said relationships across cultures require flexibility and sacrifice. He said couples are not always going to think the same way, and healthy relationships depend on a willingness to adjust and communicate.
What love means
By the end of the episode, Cowan described love as something gradual that deepens over time, not just instant excitement. “ I think it grows even stronger after a hard time because that's how you know you actually truly love them because you're willing to stay with them,” she said.
Marcaida shared “ every single thing we know about love is borrowed” from family, friends and faith until we begin to understand it for themselves. She said people will recognize love when they experience a change in their feelings or attitude after meeting the right person. She added that love must be mutual and clearly communicated, noting that even strong feelings cannot develop into a relationship if they are not shared.