During quarantine and social distancing, newlyweds and engaged students said they are facing a question of whether to wait for the temples to reopen to get married or get married civilly.
Alexandra Taea, a BYU–Hawaii alumna, said this question was prevalent in her mind as she was deciding with her now-husband how they would proceed with their wedding amidst government and Church announcements. She said they eventually decided to get married in her living room with a few close friends on March 28.
“It definitely wasn’t my dream wedding or what I had planned, but I think that it worked out better for the circumstances for everyone. [We had to] keep everyone safe, but also have a wedding still ... It was fun. It definitely felt more intimate, and we were able to enjoy everyone who was there.”
Taea said she noticed others on Facebook doing the same thing by getting married in unique ways. She said this shows how much the coronavirus is affecting the plans of couples who planned on getting married during these spring months.
Rolling with the punches
With a big wedding planned and family members planning to fly to Hawaii for the wedding, Malissa and Henry Seniloli said they had to cancel everything they had in place for their wedding. Instead, they decided to get married by their bishop in the Heber J. Grant Building on April 21.
Henry Seniloli, a senior from Fiji studying information technology, said while this change was a hit to their family who were excited to come and celebrate their marriage, a smaller, more intimate wedding was what he and Malissa Seniloli wanted in the first place. Even with these changes, he said his attitude about getting married did not change.
“I was still excited on the day we were going to get married, even though I knew it was not going to be a big gathering.”
Likewise, Malissa Seniloli, a senior from Tonga studying political science, said getting married to her husband was a source of comfort for her in these uncertain times.
“I love Henry so much that I wanted to get married to him. To be honest, being single during this time is boring. The school was pressuring us to leave campus and go to the mainland or back home. I think I was kind of stressed out with figuring out, since we were not married, how we were going to continue our relationship.”
Sam Merrill, a BYUH alumnus, also said getting married to his wife, Aubrey, was the best thing he could have done during these times. Also having to cancel their original plans and have a few set backs, Merrill said he and his wife got married in Provo Canyon on April 22.
Sam Merrill said he was most impressed about the new Church policy on letting couples get sealed whenever they want after being married civilly instead of after being married for a year. He said this revelation provided him and his wife comfort about their decision to get married civilly. “There’s definitely a blessing in that the Lord changed how couples don’t have to wait a year to get sealed in the temple after they are married civilly. That changed just a year or so ago. I think that was definitely inspired.”
Shifts in Church culture
With this marriage revelation in mind, Taea said she thinks there is still definitely a stigma around couples deciding to get married civilly rather than in the temple. She said she hopes marriages outside of the temple during the coronavirus will help Church members learn to become less judgmental and more respectful of couples’ decisions.
“I feel like it's getting a lot easier for couples ... I think more couples getting married outside of the temple is making other couples more comfortable to do it. But honestly, you can’t really judge anyone in this predicament. It’s not like anyone made up a virus to make it to where I was not able to get married in the temple,” she added.
Leilanie Coker, a senior from Hong Kong studying marketing, said she has seen this stigma in her own life as she and her fiance, Braden Kim, are figuring out their new wedding plans. She said she thinks this stigma negates the commitment temple marriage is for couples.
“I think a lot of the time young couples go into marriage and they go through the motions. So, they go and get married in the temple, but I don't think they really recognize the commitment and the depth of what they're taking on is and they just kind of do it.”
Similarly, Malissa Seniloli said she does not appreciate the stigma because it does not acknowledge the commitment of temple marriage and the couple’s choices in their own wedding.
“When people talk about this stigma, all I can think is they’re not the ones getting married. I’m the one getting married, and I will be the one responsible for my choice ... Our bishop gave us a thumbs up, and my parents and his parents supported us. That’s all we needed. We didn’t need any extra comments on the side.”
Sam Merrill said he also hopes this virus, and the different challenges with it, will help Church members be more sympathetic to couples who are getting married civilly.
“I feel like, if anything, people and Church members are sympathizing more with the couples rather than judging them,” he said, adding people understand couples would have gotten married in the temple if they weren’t closed because of COVID-19. He said people may even respect couples who went ahead and got married civilly despite the difficulties created by the pandemic.