Manipulative, abusive, complacent, and negligent are just a few characteristics six students of BYU–Hawaii use to describe terrible dads in the books they’ve read and movies and TV shows they’ve seen.
Dr. Zachary Beckstead, assistant professor of psychology at BYUH, said the relationship someone has with their father shapes and influences their other relationships. “Not only horizontally with other people but also with deity, with God.”
He continued, “From a psychological perspective, this idea that dads can really have a negative influence on children is real. Even the way our relationship with God is shaped, how we think of Heavenly Father, is going to be based on our relationship with our own father.
“My dad was a sweetheart, the most loving person in the world, and I never questioned that about God. I’ve never thought, ‘Is God really forgiving, is He loving?’ I’ve never experienced the feeling, ‘Oh I can’t go to God because He’s going to reject me,’ because my dad would never do that… but if you have a father who’s very punitive and rigid, we might start to conceptualize God in the same manner.”
Authoritarian parenting and the way fathers are portrayed in media
When asked about bad dads in fiction, Beckstead mentioned the movie “Dead Poets Society,” a movie set in 1959 at an elite boarding school in Vermont.
He said, “It’s trying to be very anti-establishment. The school is awful, it’s stuffy, and then in comes [this teacher] Robin Williams and he’s like, ‘Follow your dreams, read poetry, suck the marrow out of life,’ and so the kids start to form their own little society outside the oppressive structures of the university…
“I don’t want to give spoilers, but one of the kids, his dad wants him to be a doctor, but he wants to be in plays and be an actor. And the dad basically forces him to leave the school and the kid ends up killing himself because of that. It’s a pretty typical portrayal of an authoritarian father figure.”
Beckstead explained, “Authoritarianism, from many theories of psychology, shows there’s a difference between parents who set boundaries but also show love, and parents who are very rigid, ‘It’s my way, there is no flexibility’ and who are also emotionally distant.
“That’s what is often seen in the way dads are portrayed. Sometimes the norms we have about masculinity are that dads need to be hard. The mom’s the nurturer and loving and the dad is the disciplinary figure.”
Kylen Wyatt, a senior from California majoring in psychology, said she thinks any father who’s super manipulative and abusive is the worst kind of dad. “Fathers aren’t really glorified in media.”
She continued, “Many of them are depicted as really bad. I guess that’s kind of the relationship a lot of people might have with their fathers. They have daddy issues and don’t really revere them and want to be different than them, so a lot of fathers get a really crappy depiction in media.
“You can name all these terrible characters that are terrible dads that do terrible things… and at the end of the day, that’s all they are. They’re dumb or stupid, or terrible and mean, ugly and self-centered.”
Anna Gomez, a freshman from the Philippines majoring in psychology, said she realizes the fathers she brought up in her interview are fictional. “But I feel like some people can relate to their dad prioritizing other things over them. They’re selfish. They put their ambitions before anything else.”
Fictional fathers who put their ambitions before their children
Fire Lord Ozai
Gomez said Fire Lord Ozai on Nickelodeon’s “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” is a really bad father because his children turned out to be angry and, at least in his daughter Azula’s case, completely psychotic. “Fire Lord Ozai is like Hitler. He was obsessed with conquering other nations. You can see how bad he was as a father because it was reflected in his kids.
“If you see his son Zuko’s flashbacks with his mom, he used to be so happy. He used to be a really good kid It was after losing his mother Zuko started to be more influenced by his father.”
Gomez continued, “But eventually, he becomes good and has this amazing redemption arc because he separates from his toxic dad and sister.”
Adelaide Ellsworth, a freshman from California majoring in cultural anthropology, agreed with Gomez when she said Fire Lord Ozai is the ultimate bad dad. “He was manipulative and he emotionally damaged his son Zuko… Zuko’s obviously gone through a lot of emotional abuse as a child, and a lot of it was from Fire Lord Ozai.
“He always treated him like the son he never wanted, while he treated Azula, his daughter, as his successor even though she wasn’t. Throughout the show, you see how desperate Zuko is for his father’s attention and his love and acceptance, but it’s not until toward the end that Zuko realizes Ozai never wanted to accept him and never really loved him.
“All Ozai wanted was someone like Azula, and he could never get [his expectations] out of Zuko because [Zuko’s] heart was too pure.”
Ellsworth said Ozai qualifies as an awful father figure purely because of the emotional and physical abuse he inflicted on his children. When the young Zuko indirectly insulted his father in front of his generals, Ozai forced him to compete in a fire-bending duel. The duel ended with Ozai burning and permanently scarring his thirteen-year-old son’s face.
Further adding to Zuko’s pain and humiliation, Ozai banished the prince from the Fire Nation, setting Zuko on an obsessive quest to regain his honor and his father’s approval. “Ozai was just a bad guy. The ultimate baddie,” said Ellsworth.
Bad Marvel dads
When asked who she thinks the worst dad in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is, Gomez said, “Probably Thanos. He’s not [Nebula and Gamora’s] real father, but he still uses his own ‘children’ to get what he wants.
“In [‘Avengers: Infinity War’] he needed to sacrifice someone he loves to get the soul stone. Even though he said he loves Gamora if you really love someone you wouldn’t hurt them. You would put them first.”
Keturah Jensen, a senior double majoring in art and marine biology from the United States, said, “Marvel has the bad dad trope on point. All of them are awful. Do we have a single good dad? Oh, Clint. And Tony in this last movie, [‘Avengers: Endgame.’] They’re good dads.”
Negligent and deadbeat dads
A bad father figure in the MCU who Ellsworth thought of was Tony Stark’s father, Howard. “His case is interesting. In the beginning, we’re shown he ignored his son and led to believe he didn’t love him, but then in later movies, you get to kind of know his character better, and you see that he did care about his son, he just never really expressed it.
“I think it’s important both in fiction and in real life for parents to express their love to their kids or else they could grow up thinking their parents don’t love them. I wouldn’t classify Howard as bad as Ozai,” she concluded with a laugh, “but he’s definitely on the list of bad dads.”
Jensen said she feels like she’s always angry about things she’s read in books. “This isn’t mainstream but there’s a young adult novel called ‘A Court of Thorns and Roses’ that’s kind of like a ‘Beauty and the Beast’ retelling.
“The mom’s dead and the dad is supposed to take care of his three daughters but he actually does nothing,” she explained. “They would basically all starve but the protagonist takes care of them all. All the trouble stems from the fact that she’s the one that has to take care of everyone because her dad does nothing.
“He’s awful. He’s just complacent. I feel like he reached a point where he was like, ‘okay, guess I’ll just die then.’ He had three daughters depending on him, but because he had given up on himself he didn’t care what happened to them.”
Gomez said another cartoon dad who comes to her mind is Timmy Turner’s dad on the Nickelodeon show “Fairly Odd Parents.” She said, “It’s a funny cartoon for kids but [Timmy’s father] is really bad. His parents are always leaving Timmy with this awful babysitter Vicky and they never believe him when he tells them what Vicky is doing to him.”
Milan Perez, a sophomore from Utah majoring in exercise science, said she thinks Schmidt’s dad on the sitcom “New Girl” is a bad father because he was always making promises he’d never actually keep.
“He’d always be gone and when he would show up he’d say he was sorry and be like, ‘Let’s get together and go out and get close.’ So they’d plan things, and Schmidt would go, but his dad would never show up.
“He makes Schmidt hope for things that won’t ever happen. He might not be the worst, but he’s definitely not a great one.”
Wyatt listed a few fathers she thinks are bad dads. “The ‘Supernatural’ dad [John Winchester] was really bad. Super negligent. He just left [Sam and Dean] all alone for long periods of time while he ran off to fight demons…
“And Dumbledore is a terrible father figure to Harry Potter. He influenced him a lot and cared for him, but he never really took Harry’s choice into account and just used him as a tool to fulfill the prophecy, rather than actually caring about Harry’s wellbeing… and his growth and progress as a person.
“Especially when he tries pushing Harry away in the fifth book, ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.’ It was messed up and didn’t do anything to help anybody. It just caused angst.
“The true father figure was Hagrid in that series and anyone can fight me on that. Harry should have named his son after Rubeus Hagrid but that’s a different discussion.”
Wyatt continued, “The ‘Frozen’ dad was pretty bad too… he was like, ‘Let’s not fix your problems, honey, and just hide all your emotions and true feelings.’”
Straight up psycho dads
JT Stokes, a freshman from New Jersey majoring in vocal performance, said Darth Vader is not only a bad father but not a good guy period. “He chops off his son’s hand. He’s not a good role model for Luke. Luke didn’t even know he was his father.
“A good father is there and provides for his kids and doesn’t commit mass genocide. He’s just a terrible guy period. He’s not the most mentally stable. You can’t be if you’re just killing people all over the place.” He laughed. “I would not want Darth Vader as my father. But he does have a pretty good outfit.”
Jensen said one of the worst fictional dads in her opinion is Coach Lahey from the TV show “Teen Wolf.” She said, “He’s a dad that’s straight up abusive. I hate that guy with such a passion.” One example of Coach Lahey’s abuse was locking his son Isaac in a freezer for extended periods of time.
Another bad father Wyatt mentioned was Jack Torrance, portrayed by actor Jack Nicholson in the movie adaptation of Stephen King’s novel “The Shining.” Wyatt said, “He straight up tries to murder his family. I mean, you can’t get any worse than that.”
Writer: Emi Wainwright