Iese Wilson said although he does not know what the future holds for him as a gay member of the Church, he is committed to trusting in the Lord. In the meantime, he said he is advocating for open dialogue about the LGBTQIA+ experience to change culture to be more understanding.
“I am fighting to stay in the Church because I consecrated my all to my personal Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. That includes the part of me that’s gay,” Wilson said.
Kingsley Ah You, stake president of the Laie Hawaii YSA 1st Stake, emphasized he wants Church members to know Church leaders can help them navigate their trials and experiences. “They have a home in the Church, and we’ll be there to support them.”
Understanding the journey
Wilson, a senior from Laie majoring in music education, highlighted five options he sees for himself and all gay members of the Church:
1. Marry someone they are not attracted to
2. Be celibate, lonely and surrounded by people preaching the importance of marriage
3. Leave the Church they love
4. Suicide
5. Choose to marry someone of the same sex and be excommunicated
He said the increased risk of suicide for LGBTQIA+ members comes from emotional pain and some Church members saying LGBTQIA+ Church members will be straight in the next life, implying they are better off dead than alive.
“My heart constantly aches at the thought of each option without a day of respite,” Wilson said. “It’s hard to exist in a world where these are my main options. … We live in fear of falling in love because we risk blowing up our eternal families with the love we pine for.” He emphasized how LGBTQIA+ members need “love and unqualified support to survive this life” because these are the options they wake up to every day.
Wilson’s sacred work
Last year, Wilson said he received revelation to come out as gay while praying. “In that same prayer, I also felt I received a divine commission to serve my LGBTQIA+ brothers and sisters and to build a safer culture for us in the Church, not to change Church doctrines or Church policy.
“That has been my mission. Up until that revelation, I was content with dying a closeted gay man, but I’m so grateful this direction came.”
He said he hopes by creating a culture of listening, learning and loving, David O. McKay’s prophesy for BYU–Hawaii to establish international peace will be fulfilled.
“I believe this can be fulfilled as each student will hopefully have the opportunity to learn about our journeys as part of their educational experience to prepare them for the reality of being parents of LGBTQIA+ children and appropriately serving our LGBTQIA+ members through leadership roles in the Church in the 70-plus countries that attend this unique University.”
Wilson cited the responsibility to create such an environment as “sacred work” because of the opportunity for LGBTQIA+ Church members to “be catalysts for unprecedented spiritual growth in themselves and especially others if they have the courage to love and express all of themselves as they are uniquely spiritually guided, and if all of us do our earnest best to listen, learn and love with both humility and authentic curiosity.”
The Mackintosh devotional
Wilson said he conducted a study called “Stories from BYUH’s Closet,” which contained 27 anonymous stories from open and closeted BYUH students. He said last year he shared the study with President John S. K. Kauwe III and Student Life Vice President Jonathan Kau, who each read the individual stories.
Wilson said the stories included student’s responses regarding their greatest fears of being LGBTQIA+ at BYUH and what they would like to see happen on campus.
“President Kauwe and Vice President Kau took great interest in the fears listed and were quite encouraging at the possibility of bringing some of these suggestions to fruition,” he said.
“I have since had some follow-up meetings with VP Kau because he honestly cares about understanding my own journey and wanted to talk through some pending ideas.”
Wilson posted on Facebook on Oct. 20, 2020, regarding his meetings with President Kauwe and Vice President Kau. In the post, he wrote, “In this time of great divisiveness, President Kauwe and Brother Kau have proved to me by offering their time and empathetic listening (even through tears) they are genuinely dedicated to building an inclusive campus culture where the love of Christ can abound and all can feel it.”
He said his post spread rapidly through the community. Becky Mackintosh, whose family is featured in a video on the Church’s website sharing the story of their son, Xian, coming out as gay, commented on the post.
The most powerful moment was looking into the eyes of the many closeted gay students I recognized in the audience, many of whom I have wept with privately, and having the privilege to let them know ‘this is for us.’
This sparked a conversation between Wilson and Mackintosh, which eventually led to the devotional in the campus Stake Center on May 16, 2021. Wilson said he suggested the fireside to Mackintosh, his bishop and his stake president because the Mackintosh family are alumni with a “powerful message” about accepting LGBTQIA+ members of the Church.
Ah You said his nephew, Wilson, approached him about the devotional. Ah You shared how Wilson said he had been trying to reach out to others dealing with same-gender attraction who were “wanting to embrace the gospel and not sure how to do so.”
Wilson said he never planned on being part of the devotional, which was focused on understanding the LGBTQIA+ experience and how to be more loving. He said he was trying to “connect [the] campus with the Mackintosh family and watch their message change lives.” However, he said a few days before the devotional, he found out he would be a contributing panelist to the question and answer portion.
“With the questions I was allotted, I crammed some of my best advice in the hopes of convincing members to listen to a new perspective instead of just condemning people like me without taking the time to understand how complex and painful the journey is.”
Leveling up in love
During the devotional, Ah You addressed the congregation. He said, “We love you, brothers and sisters. This is your home. This is our home. This is God’s home.”
Ah You said he knows this devotional was necessary. He wanted all in attendance to know that as a stake president, he understands the importance of love and wants stake members to be loving and understanding of everyone’s journey.
Referring to a quote by Elder Dale G. Renlund, he said in balancing love and support of the Church and love and support for those with a same-sex partner, “We can do both.”
Ah You added paying close attention to the things one says is an important way to be “mindful and inclusive instead of exclusive.”
He said he wanted to be sure to speak on the importance of keeping the law of chastity and being worthy of a temple recommend, regardless of sexual orientation.
Ah You shared, “The Lord is mindful of all His children and their experiences. It’s strengthening our relationship with our Savior that will help us find peace, joy and happiness through our trials and righteous desires.”
Ah You said perhaps those who experience same-sex attraction can help others expand their capacity to love. “God doesn’t make mistakes. We have these experiences for a reason. Perhaps it’s to change us to love greater than we ever imagined we could be capable of loving, and thus help us understand his love a little bit more.”
At the conclusion of the devotional, Wilson said, “Do you feel inspired to level up in love? I don’t know why God allows so many of us to be LGBTQIA+, but in light of this leveling up of love we all felt today ... Perhaps that could be one of the reasons why I’m here, why I’m created this way.”
Listening to understand
One of the questions asked during the devotional was, “How do I respond when someone comes out to me? I don’t want to mess it up.”
In response, Wilson said the best way to respond when someone comes out to you is to say, “Help me understand what you are going through.”
He invited audience members to view those who come out to them as “brave and vulnerable enough to invite” them into their “authentic life.”
Wilson continued, “It is time each member learns how to nurture this neglected side of the Lord’s vineyard so all know how to confidently love and serve” at BYUH and in their homelands.
He said it may be helpful to ask, “If I am a true disciple of Christ with his light engraved in my countenance, do I have friends and family that are closeted LGBTQIA+ and hurting who are coming to me to feel of my love and safety? If not, why not?”
He said he hopes community members left the devotional feeling they should “love boldly” without fearing people will judge them for condoning the actions of LGBTQIA+ individuals. He explained this love can be shown by listening to understand rather than to fix.
“This is for us”
“The most powerful moment [at the devotional] was looking into the eyes of the many closeted gay students I recognized in the audience, many of whom I have wept with privately, and having the privilege to let them know, ‘This is for us.’ That night was the first time students and community have ever gathered on campus to finally acknowledge our reality and help us feel seen,” Wilson said.
He said it was “emotional” and a “dream come true” to be at the pulpit, knowing his bishop, stake president and Vice President Kau and his wife, Jazzeth Kau, were there supporting him. He said this experience shows BYUH is ready to have conversations with faith about the LGBTQIA+ community.
Elysia Christensen, a junior cultural anthropology major from Brigham City, Utah, said to her, the devotional is evidence of progress. “It means people are wanting to learn how to be more accepting and loving. Iese put it together, but it only worked because there were people willing to make it work.”
Christensen said, “Seeing how many people were there was an assurance I’m not alone.” She added she realized how many people at the devotional were openly gay. “They’re just living as themselves… I can do that too.”
She said she also appreciated the chance she has had to discuss her experiences with Wilson. “There are so few opportunities to talk about it [because] people move on or are uncomfortable. You need to talk about what it’s like and process it.” She expressed gratitude for Wilson, who she said she has had helpful one-on-one conversations with.
Jarom Cabigunda Perandos, a senior from the Philippines majoring in social work, said the devotional helped him better understand how difficult it has been for the LGBTQIA+ community not to have a safe and supportive environment. “I feel like that is something we can provide for them. I feel like there’s something more I can do to support them.”
For example, Perandos said he can be an advocate by expressing his thoughts and appreciation for LGBTQIA+ members and being supportive of events such as pride month.
Perandos added he realized how much LGBTQIA+ members can contribute to society, both in the Church and the community, by fulfilling their responsibilities and faithfully living the gospel. “I also realized we can be more open and understanding as a community. We can do better.” •