Kaeokalei Alo highlights the place of emotions, role models and awareness in men’s mental health
As June marks Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, counselor Kaeokalei Alo spoke about mental health stigmas, healthy masculinity and understanding emotions.
Alo, who is from Hawaii and is of Samoan and Hawaiian descent, said he heard several stigmas surrounding mental health growing up. “Some of the phrases around mental health I heard growing up are ‘suck it up,’ ‘don't be weak,’ ‘it wasn't that big of a deal,’ ‘you'll be okay.’” He explained the local Hawaiian term “lolo,” meaning “crazy,” often discourages people from being vulnerable about their emotions. “I think the negative stigma around mental health is if you're mentally ill, you're weak. And that also brings a lot of shame to both self and to family,” he said.
Alo said attitudes toward mental health are often influenced by the examples people see growing up. When asked for advice for men who grew up without positive male role models in their life, Alo referenced the phrase to, “stand in holy places.” He said BYU–Hawaii is a good place to look for qualities in a male professor, boss or bishop that a person admires. “Look in the spaces you already spend your time in to see qualities in other males that you admire,” he added.
Alo added positive role models can also teach healthy ways to understand and express emotions. He explained the difference between resilience and suppression lies in how emotions are handled. Resilience involves recognizing and understanding emotions, while suppression temporarily sets them aside. To build healthier habits, he recommended learning to identify emotions, noting that many people turn to suppression because they were never taught how to recognize or identify what they feel.
He explained while emotional suppression can sometimes be useful, it becomes harmful when it is the only way individuals cope. “Oftentimes we turn to suppression because we never received exposure, experience or education on how to recognize our emotions, and name them to understand what they mean. To build healthier habits, he recommended learning to identify emotions by using an emotion wheel available on the internet.
Alo said learning to recognize emotions is one aspect of healthy masculinity. He said healthy masculinity differs from toxic masculinity because it involves recognizing commitments and following through with them despite difficult circumstances. He opened up about losing his father in 2022, and while it was a painful period of grief, he still had responsibilities to fulfill. “For me, [healthy masculinity] was work and providing, but also being there for my children and my wife,” he said.
The United States Department of Health and Human Services reported Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander adults were 48% less likely to report having a mental illness in the past year compared to U.S. adults. Drawing from his family history, he said his grandparents experienced the Hawaiian language ban, which emphasized obedience and discouraged vulnerability.
“So why don’t Hawaiians come and seek help? It’s because we were taught to be obedient, and we didn’t have spaces to seek help. Some of those still trickle down today,” Alo said.
Alo reminded students of the free services Counseling Services provides, including individual therapy, group therapy and workshops.