An intercultural couple from BYU–Hawaii said they named their son “Jawaii Shen Lopis” so he would remember he was born in Hawaii with Indonesian and Taiwanese roots.
Jonathan K. Lopis, a senior from Indonesia majoring in cultural anthropology, said one does not have to fully understand their partner’s culture to have a successful intercultural marriage. He said respect of the other’s culture is what’s most important.
Kierra Shen Lopis, a senior from Taiwan majoring in TESOL, said when she was still dating her husband, she felt the love of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father because of the way he treated her.
The pair met while attending classes at BYUH and while working at the Polynesian Cultural Center together. They spent a lot of time with each other, they said, and eventually married in the Laie Hawaii Temple.
Their friend from Taiwan, Zoe Chang, a Fall 2020 alumna with a degree in biochemistry, said the couple taught her the meaning of love.
Raising a child with intercultural roots
Kierra Lopis said she and her husband try to speak Mandarin, Taiwanese, Bahasa Indonesian and English to their son, who turns 1 this year.
Their son understands what they are teaching him, Jonathan Lopis said. ‘Come’ in Bahasa Indonesian is ‘sini,’ and in Mandarin it is ‘lai.’ He said their son responds well to both languages.
“Jawa is the main island in Indonesia and also where I’m from, and [since] he was born here [in Hawaii], we combined Jawa and Hawaii [to make] Jawaii,” Jonathan Lopis explained.
He said this is their way of respecting their ancestors and a way to remind their son he is a Jawanese boy who was born in Hawaii, he added. “His middle name is Shen. That’s my wife’s family name. Lopis is his last name and also my family name. So, with these names, we hope that he will always remember who he is. Indonesia and Taiwan are his roots,” he said.
In terms of traditions and culture, Jonathan Lopis said they want to teach both Indonesian and Taiwanese culture to Jawaii because they do not want him to settle on one culture. They want him to recognize his ancestors from both countries.
In Indonesian culture, children are not allowed to ask a lot of questions, he explained, so they want to help Jawaii be more open with his feelings and inquiries. “We are more passive than active in school [back home].” He said asking questions is considered unintelligent in Indonesia, so he said he struggled to ask questions when he arrived at BYUH.
It is similar in Taiwan, Kierra Lopis commented. “Either in school [or] in the family, children have no right to speak out,” she said, adding they want their son to be more expressive with his emotions because it will be good for his mental health.
An intercultural marriage
Jonathan Lopis said when he started dating his wife, he respected her because he also wanted to be respected. While a spouse may not understand everything about the partner’s culture, but they must respect it, he commented.
At the beginning of their marriage, Kierra Lopis admitted she was afraid of the language barrier because they both speak different languages. Although they had struggled to communicate in English in the past, she said it has been smooth sailing so far.
Jonathan Lopis said there are still some instances where they find it difficult to express themselves, especially when they are emotional or angry.
Even though they are both from different cultures, he said what helped them have a stronger relationship was their similar personalities and before they got married, communicating frequently about their future goals.
Kierra Lopis said their relationship is also strengthened because her husband seldom complains in their marriage.
For Chang, the secret to intercultural relationships is living the gospel and fostering love for the other person. “Because [the Lopis Family] loves the gospel so much, they both have the highest respect and perfect love for each other all the time. These two elements are definitely the key to an intercultural relationship.” Chang also said she learned the meaning of love from the Lopis couple.
“I have seen how much they love each other [because they] support each other when one of them is going through a hard time.” She said the couple is always willing to sacrifice for each other.
Finding the one
Jonathan Lopis said a couple in an intercultural relationship is going to face a lot of adversity because of cultural differences. However, he said those challenges can be overcome.
He said being married to his Taiwanese wife taught him to accept cultural differences instead of questioning them. “Find someone who can respect you and your family,” he emphasized.
Kierra Lopis said even if a person finds a partner from their country of origin, there still might be differences because they are from different families. “There are many things they have to get used to with each other,” she explained.
To those looking for a partner, she advised, “You really need to find someone you feel comfortable being with and who you can express your emotions to. Follow your heart, and [remember] you have to know yourself well when you fall in love.”
Crazy coincidence
Jonathan Lopis said when he arrived at BYUH in 2018, a friend of his showed him a photo of Kierra Lopis and he thought she was beautiful.
“When the semester started, [Kierra and I] were classmates,” He said, adding it was a “crazy coincidence” that they were both working at the PCC Guest Services Department at the time.
“We worked at the same department on the same shift. She was a Chinese tour guide, and I was a canoe pusher.” He said they felt like they had known each other for years, even though they had just met. From that point, he said they started to hang out often, even attending the temple together every Thursday.
Kierra Lopis said she thought he might be interested in her because he always helped her carry her heavy groceries from Foodland to her hale. However, she said he told her he only did that because he thought of her as family. Because he also treated his other friends the same way, she said she thought she was maybe overthinking their relationship.
As the pair spent more time together, they said they eventually became comfortable enough to share their feelings for each other and started dating.
Chang shared, “In Asia, people believe in something called ‘couple face,” which is when people look similar. “They are so matched to each other. Of course they are a cute couple for sure.”
Jonathan Lopis said, “On Sept. 21, 2018, I proposed to her on a canoe at [the] PCC … [and] on Dec. 15, 2018, we married for time and all eternity in the Laie Hawaii Temple.”