BYUH students share how they overcame judgments and what they learned in the path of discipleship without serving a full-time mission
A person’s choices are between them and the Lord, said BYU–Hawaii students, including the choice not to serve a full-time mission. Jhayvee Eder, Abish Gail Torio and Belle Divine shared what they did to still serve the Lord and others in meaningful ways instead of serving a mission
Making life decisions
Jhayvee Eder, a freshman from the Philippines majoring in information systems, said he was torn between the decision of serving a mission and getting married in the temple shortly after he was baptized.
“I was converted to the gospel at the age of 25,” said Eder. He said the Primary President told him their bishop also got baptized at the same age as him and was still able to serve on a mission and encouraged him to go on one.
Eder said he contemplated the suggestion. He knew serving a mission would help him grow, deepen his faith and testimony and help him become a better priesthood holder, he explained. However he said he and his then-girlfriend were planning and preparing to get married.
Finding himself between two greatest important decisions of his life, Eder said he sought counsel from his bishop and prayed earnestly to the Lord to help him choose the right decision for himself. “I received an answer,” Eder said. “The answer was that I should choose to be married in the temple,” he said. That same answer was also confirmed by his bishop, he added.
Several months later, Eder said he and his wife were sealed in the Manila Philippines Temple and he felt at peace.
Eder’s parents and sisters disagreed with his decision to join the Church, he said. Despite his family’s opposition, his sisters were able to attend the wedding and waited on temple grounds, Eder said. He was able to share with his family how the gospel of Jesus Christ changed his life, the importance of family and the integral part the temple has in making forever families possible, he said. “I am glad to know that Heavenly Father loves me and guided me in my decisions,” said Eder.
Prior to meeting him, Eder said there were many returned missionaries who were interested in his wife and she declined all of them. “I am my wife’s first boyfriend,” said Eder. He said his wife was a returned missionary and because of that, she knows the struggle and the fulfillment of serving in a two-year full-time missionary service.
He said there was one time he asked his wife why she chose him despite knowing that he was not a returned missionary. He said his wife simply told him that she saw potential in him. Eder said his wife assured him even though he did not serve a mission, she can see him striving to use the gospel to improve himself and treat others how God would treat them.
Eder also shared his wife always reminds him as long as he is making Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ happy, he should not be ashamed or feel bad about not serving a full-time mission. “At the end of the day, I will face Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They are the ones that I need to please, not anyone else,” he said. “They are the ones who know me perfectly,” he added.
Eder said his transition to the Church was easy. “They accepted me,” he said. He was blessed to be in a ward that welcomed him with open arms, he added. “I did not feel any discrimination nor did they treat me differently than those who were returned missionaries,” said Eder.
“When people ask me why I did not choose to serve on a full-time mission, I don’t feel offended. It’s because even though I did not experience wearing a name tag, I can still become a missionary by serving God and living His commandments,” he explained.
To enrich his spirituality, he said he strives to live the gospel every single day by serving others and magnifying his Church callings. “Doing what makes Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ happy is important to me,”he said. Through ministering, Eder added, he can extend to others the love and blessings he received from Heavenly Father to everyone. Eder continued he can improve himself by keeping the covenants he had made during his endowment.
Being an instrument in God’s hands
Abish Gale Torio, a junior from the Philippines majoring in political science said that almost every young single adult from her homeward will be called as a ward missionary. She said it is expected they all go and serve missions. Though she enjoyed working with the missionaries, visiting the members and teaching those who are interested to hear about the gospel, she said she decided not to go.
Torio said she had a realization when one of her friends joined the church. When she asked her friend why she joined the church, her friend told her it was because of her example.
“That experience was special for me,” said Torio. It meant she could do missionary work without wearing a badge, she said. “I can serve others and do it with the Lord without serving a full-time mission,” she added.
Torio said she was lucky her parents supported her decision to not serve a mission. “They told me not to feel pressured and it’s okay to find my own pace, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt,” she said.
“When people ask me why I didn’t serve on a mission, I feel judged. Sometimes it hurts because it feels like I am not going to be who they expected me to be unless I serve a full-time mission,” she explained. It took her some time to find peace, she added.
When she arrived at BYUH and met her unitmates, she said she noticed many of them also didn’t serve missions. “Seeing their example of staying faithful, being true to the gospel, receiving their endowment and consistently worshiping in the temple all while not serving on a mission somehow healed my inner child,” said Torio.
Their example erased the negative feelings of hurt, she said. “I know myself more than others do and God knows me more than I know myself. If He showed me that I can do all this without serving a full-time mission, then it is not something that should make or break me,” she said.
“For those of us that didn’t serve a mission, we see things differently than those who went on a mission,” said Torio.
She said it is like an analogy of a pen and a pencil. “A pen and a pencil are different from each other but they still have the same function. We use them to write,” she said.
“Just like the pen and a pencil, we both have the same purpose. We can do the same thing, we both are needed but we are just different instruments in God’s hands,” said Torio.
There is a different kind of reflection of what we can do to help other people, she continued. For her, she said it is changing her attitude, putting herself out there and being a light of Christ to everyone around her.
Accepting God’s will
“I’ve always wanted to go on a mission. I prepared as much as I could for it,” said Belle Divine, a junior from North Carolina majoring in hospitality and tourism management. “In April 2021, I received my mission call to serve in Ohio,” she said.
Divine said she was supposed to report to the Missionary Training Center in September 2021, but in May of that year, she had health issues. “I stopped taking medications because my family and I realized it wasn’t completely necessary for me. The mission office found out and they weren’t really happy about it,” she said.
Divine said she was told the rule is if an individual stops or starts taking medication, they have to wait for six months before leaving for a mission. She said she thought it was fine, however, the mission office declined.
Divine said she answered over 500 questions regarding her health and met with doctors and therapists. She said the medical professionals, her bishop, and even her mother wrote notes indicating that she was great off her medication, coping really well, and doing better than ever. Eventually, she said the mission office forwarded her case to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Divine said at this point, everything was already prepared. She said all her bags were packed, clothes ready, and she already had her missionary tag. She said they hoped and they kept fighting for it. She added her ward anticipated a homecoming talk from her brother and her farewell talk on the same day.
“It was sad when I received a letter that I wasn’t fit for the service,” said Divine, “I was just angry and bitter about the whole thing.”
A month and a half later, she went to the Temple and asked God what she needed to do. She said she received an impression that God is God and He will do what He wants. She shared she realized she can allow God to do His will in her life or remain miserable about the situation.
One of the best things she said she did was to turn herself around. “I realized missionary service starts with me and my attitude about the gospel. I cannot be a light to others if I cannot be a light to myself,” she said.
Divine shared she also felt inspired to get an education. At that time, she said classes started in six weeks. “BYUH is not the school that I thought I’d go to but God also told me to apply to this school. So in those weeks, I found housing, enrolled in classes and bought a plane ticket,” she said.
“It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened and to trust in God again,” she said. Dealing with the rumors and the gossip circulated hurts, she said. “I realized that though I still don’t know why I am here or why I wasn’t able to go on a mission, I don’t need to know all of God’s plan for me to be happy and to serve others,” she said.
She said some of the members put such pressure on going on a mission like it’s the only way a person can get a spiritual experience and gain a firm testimony and foundation in the gospel. “I think it is really the decisions we make in our lives,” she said.
A two-year full-time missionary service is only a short time in a person’s life, said Divine. “It can definitely set you on the right track but it doesn’t set you up forever because you are still going to make choices after the mission,” she said.
She said she worked on her attitude and her mindset about life. “I tried really hard to embody the light and love of Christ for everyone around me,” said Divine. She said missionary work is all about sharing the gospel through work and through Christlike love. •