Clinical Counselor Aliah Hall shares practical advice on different types of friendships, navigating loneliness and building genuine connection
Although Ke Alaka’i: The Podcast hosts concluded season 15 in their previous episode, they returned for a surprise summer episode with Aliah Hall, a clinical counselor from BYU–Hawaii’s Counseling Services. Julia Aunai and Alden Pua engaged with Hall in a lively conversation about social wellness.
Hall defined social wellness as not only the type of people you surround yourself with, but the depth of conversation and connection you have with them. She emphasized the importance of forming a connection with at least one person each day. She added it is healthy to have many connections with acquaintances, but only a few relationships require deeper emotional investment.
Different types of friendships
Hall referred to Aristotle's three types of friendships, explaining he did not suggest one is better than the other, but rather each type of friendship serves a different purpose. Hall identified three types of friendships: those based on shared time, mutual pleasure and enjoying one another’s company.
Regardless of the type of friendship, Hall said each one requires intentional effort. “You want to be really intentional about your relationships. If they are friendships that you want to hold on to, whether it's just for a semester or for a lifetime, you have to have a certain amount of intentionality,” she remarked. She encouraged students to regularly check in with friends and schedule time with them.
Understanding introversion
The conversation also explored how social wellness looks different to introverts and extroverts. Hall said introverts should understand their social battery and recognize they do not need to stay at a social event longer than they feel comfortable. She also defined the difference between healthy solitude and social isolation. “The quality of the time alone is very different from withdrawal to getting your me time,” she said. If an introvert enjoys the activities they are doing while being alone, it is likely a sign of healthy solitude. However, if they feel distressed, lonely or upset about being alone, it may be a sign of social withdrawal.
Hall challenged the common assumption that introverts are simply too shy to initiate friendships, saying introversion and vulnerability are often confused. She explained being introverted does not mean a person lacks the confidence to invite someone to spend time together. “I'm an extreme introvert, but I'm not shy at all,” Hall said. Instead, she said, hesitation is more often rooted in vulnerability—the fear of rejection or hearing someone say no. Hall added that extroverts experience those same fears, even if they may express them differently.
“Nobody wants to be turned down, but the alternative is you never get to know whether that person's your next best friend,” she said. Rather than worrying about appearing interesting, she encouraged students to focus on staying curious. “Be interested, not interesting,” she added.
Relationship myths
In a game of Myth or Fact, the hosts gave different stereotypes surrounding social wellness and Hall determined whether they were accurate or not. When asked whether introverts dislike socializing and extroverts cannot stand being alone, she said introverts are more selective about who they spend their time with. She also clarified, “Introversion and extroversion aren't really about how much or who you want to spend time with, but where you get energy from. Introverts get their energy by being alone and extroverts get energy by being with other people.”
The conversation also looked at the common belief that women and men cannot maintain close platonic friendships. Hall said this idea is a myth, explaining healthy friendships with the opposite gender should be a positive quality to look for in a partner. “If you have a male who doesn't have any female friends or a female who doesn't have any male friends, either they don't really see the value in the other gender other than dating or the other gender doesn't feel safe with them,” she said. She added that making others feel safe, comfortable, seen and heard are qualities reflecting strong interpersonal skills.
Hall concluded the episode by encouraging students to remain curious and intentional in their relationships. She reminded listeners that meaningful friendships are built off of genuine interest, consistent effort and a willingness to connect with others.