Students say dating within a friend group either leads to relationships being divided and fractured, or ends up strengthening the overall group, realities many of them have faced.
McCall Skalla, a senior from Colorado majoring in psychology, said she was in a relationship within her friend group. She said she feels you can reduce post-relationship drama by how the couple interacts with their friends after they start dating.
“If you start dating, suddenly stop hanging with your crew, and all you want is alone time, then it will probably be worse. For us, we wanted some alone time, but we still did tons of stuff with our friends and had fun with them. Not a lot changed.”
Even after the relationship ended, Skalla said it was easy for everyone in the group to stay friends.
Skalla acknowledged her story isn’t very common, especially at BYU-Hawaii. She said the school size makes dating in general difficult because students know if the relationship doesn’t work out there is a good chance they may have to see their ex every day.
“All relationships are different. It depends on whether you want to be friends still. If you still want friendship after the relationship, only you can make the decision to make it work,” said Skalla.
TV sitcoms have used the inter-friend group dating dynamic for decades finding success in displaying the drama and complications coming from these relationships. From Sam and Diane in “Cheers,” to the more recent relationship of Ted Mosby and Robin Scherbatsky in “How I Met Your Mother,” ratings show these relationships are intriguing for viewers to watch.
However, Anna Hadley, a senior from Texas majoring in psychology, said she doesn’t feel group dating is as simple in the real world.
“It can be really fun for the group at first. It’s something new and exciting. Plus, you can give them a hard time,” said Hadley. “But, if it doesn’t work out, you eventually are forced to deal with the break up and that’s the worst part.”
Hadley said some of the negative results of dating inside friend groups include picking sides and loss of friendships. She said most of those are resolved over time but some relationships are never healed.
“Sometimes you have to pick one relationship over the other. One [friend] might feel betrayed if they know you still have a friendship with their ex,” said Skalla. “It can be very awkward because it’s more about reading moods. No one is ever going to say, ‘I don’t want you seeing them anymore.’”
Despite the negative effects, some students said they are willing to take the risk of upending the balance of a good friend group for the possibility of a potential marriage opportunity.
“It’s easier to date someone when you’re so comfortable with a person,” said Hadley. “You skip the awkward first parts of the courtship process. It’s also easier because you usually don’t have to put as much effort into starting the relationship. When you’re spending so much time with a person, it’s easy to really get to know them.”
While there are benefits to dating someone a person already knows and has an emotional connection with, Isabelle Otanez, a senior from Iowa majoring in psychology, feels there are situations where it might be more acceptable.
“Sometimes there might be someone you aren’t super close to or you might not know well in your friend group,” said Otanez. “I think building a romantic relationship with someone like that might be better for the group because there isn’t as much fallout. You aren’t risking a friendship for dating.”
Writer: Patrick Campbell