For most students attending BYU–Hawaii, the land and setting they call “home” is thousands of miles away, and frequency of communication between student and family or friends varies along with severity of homesickness.
“As soon as I got here, I only communicated with my sisters, not my parents,” said Tonga native Pelekina I Vaito Auaea, a freshman studying computer science, “at least three times a week.”
Auaea, the youngest of five, says he chats regularly with his sisters on Facebook, but they are the ones who mainly keep the conversation going. With his parents, the lack of communication is a purely technological matter.
“My parents don’t really know how to use computers,” he said. “If they did know, they would try to keep in touch with me more than I would keep in touch with them, and I would have no choice but to reply back.”
Regardless of age or distance, expectations of communication vary from family to family. “My mom wants to hear from me all the time,” said Joanna Huang, a freshman from Taiwan studying hospitality and tourism management, “but if I can’t FaceTime or Skype, she expects or hopes I’ll at least text her to let her know I’m safe.”
Huang and her mother maintain their relationship with dedication. “If I have really exciting things happen, then I share it with my mom,” she said. “I share with her everything.”
For Connie Lam, a freshman from Macao majoring in TESOL education, the expectations are slightly different. “I don’t really think they expect me to keep up the communication,” said Lam. “I mean, I think they want me to, but they don’t expect it.”
If given the opportunity and choice to have her family nearby while she goes to school, Lam wouldn’t take it. “It’s not that I’m not free with my family around. … The thing is I know the expectations, and I don’t want to disappoint them. If they were here, I would always think of them and what they want. I don’t want to let them down, so I better keep my distance.”
Lam plans to visit home next year during summer break, and said that when it comes to homesickness, she’s over it. “Of course, a song sometimes makes me remember home, but not very often,” she said.
Dorothy Chiu, a freshman majoring in art from Hong Kong, said she probably won’t visit home until after graduation for money’s sake, and homesickness is a bit more prevalent. “[I feel homesick] when something is overwhelming or I have too much homework or too much stress because there aren’t as many friends and family to turn to,” said Chiu, who communicates with her family via messaging at least every other day.
“But they’re not real conversations,” she said, “and I think my mom wants to know what’s happening here, but my siblings don’t care.”
For Auaea, the times when he misses home most are when he is stressed or alone. “Pretty much I just try and find something to do,” said Auaea. “I’ll listen to music or watch a video, usually something funny to make me laugh.”
Huang’s homesickness only really bothered her initially in the first week of school. “The first time I went to church here it was really really different,” said Huang. “It was Fast Sunday and usually I bear my testimony every fast Sunday back home, but here I was really scared and didn’t bear my testimony and I just wanted to cry every moment because I missed my family and home.”