Courtship and meaningful relationships have become both more and less complicated because of new communication technology, according to recent social science research.
While conducting a survey for Match.com in 2013, researchers discovered 23 percent of singles under the age of 30 used a traditional phone call to initiate a first date, 37 percent preferred face-to-face interaction, and 32 percent favored text messaging. In contrast, for singles over 30, 52 percent would choose phone-calling, 28 percent would like face-to-face interaction, and 8 percent would opt for text messaging.
This shift in how people communicate is largely attributed to an exponential increase in smartphone use and ownership. Data collected by the Pew Research Center indicated the portion of American adults who used a smartphone increased from 17 percent to 58 percent between 2010 and 2014. For “emerging adults,” 83 percent carry a smartphone everywhere they go.
In his book, “Modern Romance,” actor and comedian Aziz Ansari explained, “Younger folks live in a text-heavy environment and this shapes their perception of what is appropriate.” A poll of adolescents publicized by The Week revealed that 67 percent of teens said they would accept an invitation to attend prom via text message.
For members of the Baby Boomer generation, this approach may seem somewhat cold, impersonal, and cowardly, but this research suggests that millennials are less critical of this method.
People tend to be far more intolerant of mistakes made via text than they are when engaged in live dialogue. MIT social psychologist Sherry Turkle elaborated on this issue in her book “Alone Together.” She argued, “Younger people are so used to text-based communications, where they have time to gather their thoughts and precisely plan what they are going to say, that they are losing their ability to have spontaneous conversation.”
This partially explains why millennials often resort to messaging rather than phone calls and live conversations.
However, face-to-face interaction is still important to some students. Kayla Helm, a senior majoring in peacebuilding and communications from Nevada, said, “You don’t really get the body language of the person. So, if they’re trying to get to know you through messaging, you don’t really know who they are, and you can’t really tell what their motives are. So, it’s just a less comfortable and less personable way of pursuing a relationship.”
Messaging can magnify variables which complicate social interaction. One of the most frustrating aspects of text communication with potential dates is the “waiting game.” This “science of waiting” has been termed by social psychologists as the “scarcity principle,” wrote Psychology Today. By playing hard to get, one becomes more desirable when they make themselves appear less available.This “mind game” is nothing new.
Socrates, the esteemed Greek philosopher, once said when counseling a young woman, “You must prompt [interested individuals] by behaving as a model of propriety, by a show of reluctance to yield, and by holding back until they are as keen as can be; for the same gifts are much more to the recipient than when they are offered before they are desired.”
Ansari said, “As a medium, it’s safe to say texting facilitates flakiness and rudeness and many other personality traits that would not be expressed in a phone call or an in-person interaction.” He strongly suggested singles should avoid sending generic messages.
Time Magazine’s top social media turn-offs include: Emotionally dramatic posts, excessive selfies, and when your current date asks you to unfriend an ex.
Suet Mui Ma, a junior majoring in psychology from Hong Kong, said, “On social media, like Instagram, people just post their pretty images. For girls, they can edit their photos and become more appealing.”
Belle Leung, a senior majoring in psychology from Hong Kong, explained, “When we have girl talk, we will look at pictures and we will talk about what that girl or that guy’s appearance is like, and we talk about what type of people we feel are attractive.”
Ansari stated this “research” on a potential date before meeting them can be both beneficial and harmful because it “gives…clues about people’s interests and character before meeting them,” while on the other hand this can “deprive them, and their date, of the fun of discovering something new. The same technology that allows us to connect with [others] also helps us figure out whether they post cute pictures of baby elephants or something more malicious, like a blog chronicling their latest elephant-poaching expedition in Botswana.”
Dooree Moon, a senior majoring in communications and humanities from South Korea, said, “I’m in a long-distance relationship, so [social media] makes things a lot easier…. If you’re dating somebody, you can message that someone within social media and then you can talk with that person. On Facebook, you have Facebook calls, and you can use video chat. So, to me it’s really one of the biggest mediums I use in terms of dating, and I think it’s convenient in that aspect.”