BYU–Hawaii student shares tips in exploring self-discovery through dialogue
Self-discovery is not found in isolation or reflection alone but in conversation, said Lucy Miller, a senior majoring in elementary education from Washington. She said meaningful dialogue helps people understand both others and themselves, especially when conversations move beyond surface-level questions.
Miller said getting to know people requires more than simply asking questions—it requires asking the right kind of questions and being genuinely interested in the answers. “Throughout my life, I just think it’s really fun to talk to people and get to know them,” she said. “I never ask a question I don’t want an answer to.”
Asking better questions
Miller explained that meaningful conversations often come from questions that invite reflection or storytelling, rather than simple facts. For example, Miller said she asks questions like, “What is something that has made you laugh to where you have been in tears?” or “What is something you would never do that your parents did, and what is something you would?” These types of questions, she said, help people open up because they require personal experience and thought.
Miller continued that even simple questions can become meaningful when followed with curiosity. A question like “What’s your major?” can lead to deeper understanding when followed by “Why did you choose that?” or “Where did that interest come from?” She said the key is to keep asking thoughtful follow-up questions that allow the conversation to develop naturally.
She said her approach to conversation was shaped early through a family tradition called “QC,” or quality conversation, where her family gathers to discuss meaningful topics without distractions. “We all come with a conversation topic that we want to discuss that can get us closer to each other,” she said, adding that the practice helped her learn how to listen and engage more deeply.
I never ask a question I don’t want an answer to.
Why deep conversation fades
Miller said curiosity often fades during adolescence as people become more self-conscious and afraid of judgment. “I think cancel culture has become huge in our society, and we’re scared to think about things differently and be curious because we get shut down really fast,” she said.
To counter this, she said she has intentionally created spaces for conversation on campus, encouraging students to bring discussion topics and participate openly. She said many people initially struggle because they are used to surface-level questions, but meaningful conversations require vulnerability and effort.
Miller pointed to the popularity of podcasts as evidence that people still crave deep conversations, even if they do not always practice them. “I believe we have lost that connection of being able to talk deeply with someone because real conversations are awkward and hard,” she said.
Still, she emphasized that discomfort is part of the process. “I think it’s really important to have hard conversations because the thrill you get out of them is so much more worth it,” she added.
A conversation tool
One tool Miller uses to help people open up is a psychological exercise known as the Cube–Ladder–Horse activity, where imagined objects represent different aspects of a person’s life, such as self-perception, relationships and future connections. She said the exercise creates a space for reflection without direct pressure, allowing people to share more naturally.
For Miller, curiosity is not just a personality trait but a practice. She said meaningful conversations begin with a willingness to ask thoughtful questions, listen intentionally and stay engaged. “People want to be seen and want to be heard,” she said. “It’s important that we can be that person for other people.”