Acknowledging who you were before and recognizing your autonomy can set you free says BYUH student
Our upbringing may have an influence on who we are, but how we grow from it allows us to decide and become who we are meant to be, said Duane Domagsang, a junior from the Philippines majoring in psychology and intercultural peacebuilding. She said the version of who she was before helped her become who she is today. “It led me to understand how to walk with purpose—to be more genuine and intentional with the steps I take, the actions I do and the things I say in my life,” she said.
In her younger years, Domagsang said she was a strict follower of rules and policies, whether they came from the school or the church. “People would say that I was doing such a great job. But I wasn’t doing it out of genuineness. I was doing it out of fear—fear of being judged, fear of not being able to find the right people and fear of getting scolded,” she shared.
Domagsang said growing up in the church, members have seen her in primary presentations until she transitioned to the Young Women. Seeing her grow, she said, people had expectations that made her become someone she barely knew. “I strived to be the person other people thought I was,” she said. Nevertheless, she said she understands that the people who had expectations of her meant well.
I strived to be the person other people thought I was.
Driven by these fears, Domagsang felt detached from her identity until she slowly learned that it was okay to make mistakes. She said it was during her senior year in high school when she started realizing this truth.
When she was around 18 years old , Domagsang said her branch president encouraged her to apply for a full-time mission. Before applying for BYU–Hawaii, she said she was processing her mission papers. “I didn’t know what to do, so I thought maybe I should just serve a mission,” she explained.
Domagsang said it was also the time her family was going through a lot of things. “Personally, I felt like I had no direction because I spent most of my life being led by what other people said.” One night, she said her uncle called her. She said their conversation lasted for about seven hours and it made her realize a lot of things. The conversation, she said, helped her finally decide on her own to continue applying to BYUH.
“I think that was the first time I felt like I wasn’t doing something because of what other people said. I realized that I could do something without basing it on other people’s expectations of what I should be or what I should be doing,” she continued. She said she did want to serve a mission, but coming to BYUH was her own desire and intention.
“I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything because the people around me were good. They weren’t bad or forcing me. I think it was more about how I personally interpreted what they said,” Domagsang shared.
In contrast to her previous description of herself, Domagsang said she now focuses on her identity as a daughter of God. “It might sound cliché to some people, but while I’m a student, a daughter, a friend, a sister, and even an auntie, I think the way I’ve improved in all those roles and found direction for my life is by always being reminded of my divine identity as a daughter of Heavenly Father,” she shared.
Domagsang said she grew up hearing that she is a child of God. However, she said she only learned what it truly meant when she practiced her agency and found her direction and purpose.
“It’s okay to feel fear,” Domagsang said. She said having the courage to explore where your direction leads you is necessary because “in the end, it’s eternal life that you are building, and it’s yours—not anyone else’s.” She said this doesn’t mean denying the wisdom of other people. “We can learn a lot from others, especially wisdom from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ,” she continued.
Domagsang's sister, Erika Domagsang, a senior from the Philippines majoring in psychology, shared a quote from their dad. She said, “You are who you are today because you kept going.” She said people can learn a lot from her sister’s experience. She said, “She’s a really good example of accepting who you were before to become who you are today.”
You are who you are today because you kept going.
Growing up with Duane Domagsang, Erika Domagsang said they were taught to follow rules strictly. She said this led her sister to always say yes to favors and requests that sometimes people take advantage of her kindness. She said, “As her older sister, I would always remind her to ‘Tell people what you really think. If you can’t do something or if you don’t feel comfortable, just say no.’”
During their freshman year, Duane Domagsang said she had several social commitments that led her to feeling overwhelmed trying to meet the expectations of the people around her, said Erika Domagsang. Over time, she said her sister learned to overcome this habit. She said, “I think a big factor was her independence—realizing that she can choose for herself and decide what she truly wants.”
The process of becoming who you are requires a person to know what they want, said Erika Domagsang. “You need to understand what kind of person you want to become. And from there, you create steps to help you achieve that version of yourself,” she said.
Erika Domagsang said she appreciates her sister’s resilience through everything they went through. “I’m very grateful for who she is today. She’s one of the people who keeps me grounded. Even though we have our normal sibling moments, I’ll always care deeply about her. I’m always rooting for her.”