Winne and Morris Graham, assisted by President John S. Tanner, led a discussion on how to help missionaries prepare for and adjust to life in the mission field at the BYU–Hawaii Women’s Organization Luncheon on Nov. 8 at the Aloha Center Ballroom.
“The stage of your mind is where you are the producer, and you are the director, and you are the stage manager. We hope missionaries realize that is where the battle is. They win or lose mentally,” said psychologist Dr. Graham, a Laie resident who is leaving soon on his third mission with his wife Winnie.
Winnie Graham shared the scenario of a mother who is worried about her son because although he wants to go on a mission, he spends a considerable amount of time playing video games and seems to be withdrawn from the world. He is irritable, anxious, and often sad. She asked audience members to discuss with each other the best way to help the son.
Audience members suggested getting him away from the video games and helping him realize he has a problem by making him responsible to help him handle his problems. Others suggested assessing what is causing him to withdraw from the world.
Pres. Tanner said he wouldn’t worry about this issue at all. He said because it is only an issue with gaming, and not something more serious, it isn’t a big deal. The audience fell silent, and one sister asked him if he was being the devil’s advocate. He responded by saying parents are natural worriers. He said in the mission field the son will have a companion and leaders who will probably help him overcome his problem.
Shocked laughs could be heard from the crowd. Dr. Graham responded to this comment by grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting off the lower half of President Tanner’s tie.
Dr. Graham asked how the audience felt about Pres. Tanner’s comment. One sister shared, “It is extremely tempting to think that way, but I’ve heard one of the hardest things missionaries go through is withdrawals from social media. They have actual withdrawal symptoms when they no longer have their phones and can scroll all day.”
Dr. Graham then asked who was shocked at what he did to Pres. Tanner. The two revealed the tie actually belonged to Dr. Graham, who gifted Pres. Tanner with four new ties. Dr. Graham asked, “What are your emotions now? You turned your emotions around because you are seeing [the situation] differently right? Your perception goes to your thinking and your emotions.
“The idea behind this is we can change our emotions. We can change our perceptions. We can change our thinking which will change our behavior and our directions.”
Dr. Graham shared a quote by Elder Jeffrey Holland, saying, “Every missionary twosome should be a threesome and the third companion should always be the Holy Ghost.”
Sis. Graham asked the audience to read a statement by President Boyd K. Packer aloud, which said, “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.”
Dr. Graham said, “Missionaries need to recognize there is opposition out there. The adversary does not want them out there. He uses distraction and deception to discourage them.”
Susan Tanner shared the story of a mission president who arrived in the field days after a church policy giving all the missionaries phones went in to place. “The missionaries have actually come to them and handed in their phones and said, ‘We can’t do this, please take them away.’ Parents have criticized them for sending missionaries home who have problems with them, saying, ‘Why are you sending them home because of their cell phone problems? You’re the one who gave [the phones] to them.’
“My friend and her husband have felt that this is the direction the church is going, and they have really prayerfully sought answers. She said, ‘We have realized the prophet is the one who is asking us to teach missionaries how to work and deal with technology.’ If they can learn this skill, it will be a great blessing to them later in their lives.”
The organization’s Sub for Santa project was introduced at the luncheon as well. People were invited to pick an ornament off the tree with a specific gift. Monique Vuniwai, service vice president of the Women’s Organization explained the process, saying, “Most wishes are for what you and I would consider basic needs for families and simple requests for their children.” The gifts go directly to 29 families in the Temple View Apartments and are tailored to their needs.
An open invitation was extended to all who wish to attend the next luncheon on Dec. 6. Arthur and Margaret Hannemann will be speaking, and the BYUH street band will be performing live Christmas music.
Writer: Haeley van der Werf